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when i say, "i can't believe i have to write this," i mean i hate writing about drama because i don't care about drama. i hate it when blog posts that resemble this one reach the Top because it means people don't have anything better to do than either bully someone or overreact to being a little uncomfortable. (to be fair, that is not all of them, i apologize deeply if it sounds like i'm victim blaming anyone who's been through anything like what i have; i'm just trying to articulate how much i hate needing to say something about this.) but i swear to god this is different. for some reason, this is different.
howdy, y'all.
the name's benny. i also go by whalefall, or "hey, asshole!" (that last one's a bit of a joke).
a couple weeks ago, i saw my former friend COMPUTER_GIRL (or however she spelt it, she used leetspeak) post a bulletin inviting some people to a Discord server. okay, cool, i thought, COMPUTER_GIRL seems cool, i'll join, why not? so, i did. simple as. only, upon first landing in the server, i observed two things. one was that the age range for the server, according to the roles you could ask for, was 12 years old to 20+ years old. i'm 23. the second thing i observed was that there was a channel in the server for sex plus either rape or porn, i don't remember which exactly, but both aren't, y'know, great. for a server with 12 year olds in it. (also, the server was called "cum zone." i think that shit's hilarious,...if they were adults.) so immediately left, of my own accord, and then wrote a bulletin about it. to be clear, at first the bulletin kept them entirely anonymous. i wasn't trying to call them out, as if they'd done something horrible, i was just trying to show my friends the server itself, somewhat privately (bulletins are not viewable by everyone, after all), as if to say, "hey, look at this thing i found! strange, kinda bad vibes, right?" the next bulletin i wrote about it linked COMPUTER_GIRL's profile, sure, but even that wasn't a call-out, it was a "this is if you want to know who invited me to the server." i was actually more concerned than anything else, because i don't know if you know this, but COMPUTER_GIRL herself is 14 years old, i think? i couldn't tell at first, genuinely! because her profile was very hard to look at, very hard to read, full of what people call 'eyestrain'-as-an-aesthetic (and also a result of said aesthetic). yeah, a child. and don't think i'm making fun of her age. again, this is incredulous, angry concern, how the hell did this happen? what kind of person raised her, or, didn't? what kind of shit has she been through, has she seen?
oh, anyway. i left, i told my friends what happened, i thought nothing of it.
until i checked my Strawpage (which isn't a huge deal to me, but everyone was making one, and i just wanted to have a bit of fun with it). my anonymous inbox on there was filled with insults, and threats, "41%," as in, whoever it was wanted me to join the 41% (of queer people that either committed or considered committing suicide).
look, i don't enjoy self-pity. so i'm not gonna talk much about that. if you want proof, i got proof but i don't wanna talk about it. what i will say, though, is that it did not stop there.
i thought it was just my Strawpage, i thought that's where i was going to receive the brunt of it, but then i got a message from one of my friends, saturnsoup. they were letting me know that someone on their feed - Nora - was writing bulletins about me. specifically, they were saying that i'd been making jokes about the crisis that is MMIW/MMIP. i would never do that. i'm not gonna pat myself on the back and say i'm some great activist for indigenous sovereignty, because i'm not, i'm just a person, but i suppose someone else who's willing to compliment me can you tell you just how much i would never fucking do that. do you have any idea what kind of sick thing it is to make an accusation like that? not to me, but to any indigenous person looking in our direction. imagine they believed you. imagine that even if they didn't, they knew that to you, their cousin or sister or mother or friend is just fodder for some stupid game you wanna play with a white ass motherfucker they don't even know as you try to stir up shit about him. no thank you.
it continued. i don't know for how long, i don't know who said what, i don't know if people are still talking shit about me, but it continued.
what i found out when i tried to learn the extent of this - when i tried to learn who was doing & why they were doing this, because i earnestly couldn't think of it, i couldn't think of what i'd done - is that one of my friends had betrayed me. fartlord. funny name, right? yeah, that's why requested to friend them. well, one of the reasons. they were friends with COMPUTER_GIRL (who, again, i did not know was way under 17+), they seemed funny, and cool. they'd been watching me as i talked about this shit on my own bulletins. and i guess that they thought it was funny. or, more than that, because along with COMPUTER_GIRL herself and some folk named Nora, Nuzi and Ambrosine, fartlord was responsible for what had been happening to me. fartlord owned the Discord server. that's who fartlord was. well, and there's more. someone - i don't know who - just came out with a document you may have seen. heh, fartlord. i can barely take this shit seriously with a name like that.
after i left the Discord server, i guess something must've happened.
they must've decided either then - or even before i joined - that i was to be their target. they were to "take me down." (yeah, that's the way they phrase it, i've seen screenshots from in their Discord.) to the point where they were discussing amongst themselves (again, i've seen screenshots) that they wanted to IP-grab me.
i'm fucking pissed off. because in one of the screenshots i saw, they tried to pass it off to someone - one of my Spacehey friends - as a big joke. saying that i was just someone who was overly sensitive, and not only that, but i didn't leave the server, i got banned. and since then, i've been trying to ban fartlord and their friends for no good reason. bullshit. and no, i'm not saying i haven't been trying to ban them, i'm saying i have been, because they told me, however indirectly, that they wanted me to kill myself, they went after soup because they stood up for me, they could put my parents in physical danger if this continues, and i don't want anyone else to get hurt! i won't hide behind soft language thinking it'll make me seem more believable, i want them gone! i want them unable to reach me or anyone i care about! i'm sorry to whoever got caught in the crossfire, and i'm sorry i've been paranoid lately, and i'm sorry that someone who was a friend to some of you is gone, but i want them gone because of what they've done, what they've threatened to do. do you understand, how even if i am unusually sensitive, trying to IP-grab someone usually isn't the punchline to a haha-funny-joke?
what's funny is, when i reached out to this Spacehey friend, to let them know the truth, they told me to leave them out of it, because they were just trying to exist, they didn't see a point to weird internet wars. motherfucker, do you think i do? this is beneath me, or, it should be! i'm 23 years old! i wish i could leave myself out of it!
oh, and apparently COMPUTER_GIRL and Nora are the same person, who's really a 16 year old named Cyn. so, they were lying about being even younger than they were? or older? what the fuck is their name?
that's all, then. that's everything.
UPDATE: apparently Ambrosine "apologized?" it's bad. i don't blame them, necessarily, for *everything* that happened, but i still don't know how most of their apology was defending themselves and not, y'know, being actually remorseful; they're pointing at the people they were willingly collaborating with and calling them worse and begging people to hate those others more than themselves, bringing up their childhood trauma, of which we *all* have plenty of, more than they are saying anything akin to sorry. they actually did sort of insult me, again, while maybe-trying to. 'called me sensitive, saying they don't favor sensitive people. hmm. too bad. before they apologized, they...kinda did the opposite; and i have that link too.
if you've read this whole thing, hi, thank you, bye. please send funds to my Palestinian friend Omar if you're able. i'm not. my mother is in control of my money. she punishes me; deducts whatever amount it was from my next allowance, for donating. i'm 24. i only don't have a job because i'm disabled.
now to get back to important shit....
Comments
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₊˚⊹ 🍮🥄 PWiNCE .ᐟ ( not mobile friendly )
jfc i heard about the situation via bulletins and knew it wasn't good but i didn't know it was THIS fucking bad ??? gen hoping you and anyone else involved is doing at least a little better after all this
tele7angelist
it's insane how warped the internet can make people. the fact that somehow we're at the fourth generation of always-online people and absolutely no-one (with the power to enforce things) has figured out how successfully minimize shit like this horrifies me to no end. i mean it's not like most of the people in power want to actually help anyone. but i will try to remain frutiger aero optimistic-core tech and nature and humans all living in harmony. because being sad makes everyone else sad and then nothing gets done 🐠🌐🍃
(an)
as a pushing 20 year old, a bunch of minors planning on your downfall sounds like a nightmare to deal with. teenagers are actually scary to me now like wow
yep. it was kinda ridiculous, and also plenty nightmarish
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
Artysenz
actually wtf fr
morguemvp
oh thats craaazy. i hope you're okay btw
~WeIrDo~
I don't know you, nor Cyn thankfully, but I'm so sorry all of that happened to you. People can be so insane. Looking through those screenshots made me sick. I hope you and your friends are safe!
thank you, weirdo XD
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
dogprincess
i'm sorry that happened to you benny
tory
spacehey disc servers are a different breed (/neg) i hate them. stay safe everyone
faye ★
reading all of this, im so sorry this happened to you, that's genuinely insane behavior and people who go to these kinds of lengths for a simple laugh or because they think it's okay to mess with people like that need to have their brain checked, especially if they're doing this at the big age of 16. you can only hope they'll grow up one day and realize what a shit thing that was to do. i hope you're doing better now, sending love and all good wishes your way
thank you, faye. this was very sweet....i watch(ed) spn too, sam was my of the two brothers
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
<33 (also thats amazing and so based)
by faye ★; ; Report
i hate typos. i'm so glad you got what i meant anyway XD
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
kweenbimb
this is genuinely crazy. i hope you are safe!! 🩷🩷
Eve
After reading all this post, my god, you have experienced the worst and I wouldn't wish upon it to any enemies I have.
I hope you maintain to stray out of any conflict that comes your way and actually analyze who you're talking to no matter what. even with good or bad presentation. But then again, Stay Safe.
thank you. i have been a lot more careful after this. almost paranoid...i hate what happened. it's awful. i wouldn't wish it on anyone else either.
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
Callum/Megumi
FARTLORD????????
OMYGOSH IM SOSOSOSOOS SORRY THAT HAPPENED 2 U
YEAH IT'S A CRAZY/FUNNY ASS NAME, RIGHT
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
i'm not gonna friend you 'cause you're a minor, but you've got a cool ass profile - and i love that fucking Cookie too.
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
francis, fran
someday when i have too much time i will truly dive into all of the children-cults of the internet
because it's kind of got weird implications on psychology or human nature or whatever you wanna call that
like
"if give children internet access then they form tight-knit groups which feed off of various bullshit"
what is the bullshit and why?
i actually think it's more like "people, in general, online and offline, will form groups, some groups are 'good,' or harmless, and some groups are...not harmless" and it's just the most harmful and loudest groups we hear about & deem whole generations awful because of
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
uncleonion♪
oh my word thats horrible ): you completely didnt deserve all that harassment and i hope that things get better for you down the line!!!!!! its completely wild to me that all of this insane shit went down while i was obliviously friends with fartlord and was going to draw them a free commission before their acc went down
all i could say is that i wish you only the best<3 you shouldnt ever have to feel unsafe in any given online environment just for expressing discomfort over a place
thank you, uncle. i will not friend you, as you are a minor, but you have a cool profile and i like your vibes. what happened was not your fault. have a good week & life :))
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
cherribombdotcom
holy shit??? that's fucking insane
im sorry yall had to go through all that, no one deserves that kind of harassment
i hope things get better, sending virtual hugs ur way ( っ´ `)っ
97io
"16 year old named cyn" is scary to me because i KNOW a 16 year old named cyn... oh shit
i REALLY hope this is not the same person though and its just a coincidence
by 97io; ; Report
well, you should find out
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
can u tell me a tad bit more about them thou,
by 97io; ; Report
no. i wrote as much as i know
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
aw okay
by 97io; ; Report
🖥️💜 f0rm1d0l0sus💜🖥️
That's honestly so fucking insane, and what shocked me the most was that I was FRIENDS with fartlord during all of this and I had ZERO clue. It was only until Saturnsoup messaged me telling me about it, and I will show proof of her reaching out to me if I have to. I'm so sorry all of this is happening to y'all, I hope things get better from here but that's all I can really say.
yeah, show me proof. i saw you friend-requested me a while ago. i didn't accept, 'cause...i wasn't sure who you were
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
That's completely understandable, you had every right to not trust me :)
HERE IS THE PROOF
by 🖥️💜 f0rm1d0l0sus💜🖥️; ; Report
thank you. you can request to add me again if you want
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
Alrighty!
by 🖥️💜 f0rm1d0l0sus💜🖥️; ; Report
Hanko 2
Dam, I'm sorry you had to go through all of that shi I thought spacehey was a chill space🥹
me too!🤷♂️
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
Every place can be a safe space if you remember internet etiquette of not trusting random strangers online
by Nickymira01; ; Report
True, you do have a point there.
by Hanko 2; ; Report
Ashdude
all of that yapping just to advertise a pali fundraiser? lmao
no, no, i did the yapping to do the yapping, and then i realized how pointless it was to yap about such unimportant-to-me things if i didn't then attach the fundraiser & make something good and potentially fruitful out of it
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
omg people are actually crazy
im so sorry
by jay_d3n; ; Report
omg that is actually preposterous i am actually flabbergasted oh my gosh
by bonnie!!!; ; Report
are you guys flabbergasted by the comment you're replying to, or the blog post in general?
by benny // whalefall; ; Report
no sorry i ment the post
by bonnie!!!; ; Report