I need advice

I’m closer than I’ve ever been to having an actual boyfriend right now. So much has happened since my last blog so I will go into detail day by day what happened.

Last Saturday I went to a party with my girl friends, maybe I will talk about it one day when ill have the time but this guy talked about this party so I said to him on Sunday something like "you missed so much yesterday." and he said, "haha no worries, do you want to tell me what happened?" I said "Yes, so much happened" and then he said something like "So where we should meet so you can tell me?",,, girl,,, I don't know what I thought about it at that moment but saying no felt harsh because how it looked he definitely sees me more than as a friend. But at the same time, I didn't want to give him the impression that I wanted us to be more than that. More like a best friend.

For context: my friend said he talks about me a lot and asks questions about me and the way I act when I like someone, but I noticed it just a day later.

This was our second meeting: When we got there, he said he knew a place where we could go. It was close to the Promenade where the hotels are. Usually, it's pretty crowded so it was strange to think there was a place like that. As we were on the way I saw my dad's sister which my mom, my grandma, and I  don't talk with anymore, she has serious issues and I knew that if she saw me she would embarrass me or even ask me for favors later. I personally didn't care, but I knew somehow this could be bad later for my mom and family because she is really crazy. I grabbed his arm and said "Come with me I'll explain later" AND LIKE AN IDIOT HE WAS LIKE "I'm standing here until you are telling me" LIKE DONT YOU UNDERSTAND THIS IS MORE THEN SOMEONE I KNOW??? We went to an alleyway and I explained why . he thought I saw someone from my school and it was not that big deal. He apologized and we kept on. I felt so embarrassed because it was the second time we met and things like that happened already.

We sat on a bench in front of the beach, he wanted to sit on the boulder but I wore sandals so I couldn't. We talked about the party and about other stuff. At some point, I was really tired like I felt like I was gonna fall asleep at this moment. I asked him "Do you mind if ill put my head on your shoulder?" I really regret this moment... because after this I couldn't go back to what we were before. I forgot he is into me and everything that I do like physical touch or even head on his shoulder probably means a lot to him, I know if it was reversed, that I would fall in love first with someone I would think about every minor interaction I ever had with him. and obviously. If he will touch me somehow. Later he stretched his arms and put his hand on my shoulder. You cannot tell me this doesn't look like a couple from aside... he told me the story of one of the girls he talked to and how mentally unstable she was, honestly, it felt kinda bad. I told him about the guy who wanted to do THE THING and when I said no he just acted like a jerk. (I talked about him in one of my blogs a while ago)

To be honest... I keep thinking about him today, like how is his life when he moved away and if he found someone new. Not to mention it feels from his Instagram notes like he tries to catch my attention, like why would you post a song with my name in it? These two guys both have the same hobby as me, guitar. A couple days ago he called me on Facetime and showed me how he plays his guitar and I thought about what if it was him... maybe looks probably affect me even more than personality.

It feels like he feels comfortable with me already but I wasn't, even later. He would do stuff I would never do with someone I just met. Like being mean as a joke- I only act like that with my best friends. Later when we got out there he showed me what he does in his jujutsu classes, and he is really strong, It felt like he was gonna break my hand if he did it a bit harder. For some reason, he held my hand as we walked. And suddenly my girl friends called me like you have a better time to do so? They asked me if I was going to the party that night and I said "I'm not sure yet" of course they didn't let me keep that a secret and they asked me where I was and with who. This was kinda the first time they heard about him officially. when we were on our way to the city center he saw his friends and they were like "Is this your new girlfriend?" OMG THE NERVES, CAN YOU NOT??? I had a shocked face and he said "Just kidding, just kidding" Gosh I hate men sometimes so much...

On the next day, we talked a lot. But we met on Tuesday. This was our third meeting: he said at first he had no time to go somewhere so I took a bus to his neighborhood. he lives really close to my school so it felt so weird being there in my personal time. This time it felt more like a romantic date than a platonic date. It was more touchy but not in a good friend's way. When put his arm around me and put his hand where my bra wing /back hooks. Totally not just a friend moment... later he again showed me the jujutsu he does, it is so scary because he is so strong and I know that if he wanted he could literally injure me. When he demonstrated it, for a moment, it felt like that dancing pose where the man holds a woman when they look at each other. After this, we went uphill (honestly I thought I wouldn't survive this because I did it a lot of times and it was tough, maybe because it was at night it was easier.) We stopped for a second and I hugged him. His breaths were so deep like he smelled my perfume. I said, "I think you are nice". REMEMBER THIS BECAUSE IT WILL BE MENTIONED LATER, whenever I say nice things to him he never looks me in the eye, I don't know why but he never does. Maybe he is nervous or avoids eye contact for some reason. But I can say that I like being with him. even tho I said I don't see myself getting into a relationship with him...

I do not want to be a player but some stuff is a deal breaker for me in a relationship... like views on religion, oh my god how do I even begin? His mom is Jewish so on paper he is Jewish. he keeps Kippur and doesn't eat foods like seafood or other non-kosher foods. But besides that nothing, no sabbaths, no kipa, no tefillin, nothing. Gosh is it so hard to wish for a man of god? he even said he doesn't wait between meat and milk. New ick unlocked. I don't think he will make such a big change in his life just for me. Yet. Maybe if this will be more serious but right now I don't think he even cares if I care about this. Because I am more "religious" than him.

On our way to the bus station, we heard a party from one of the buildings in his neighborhood. he said he knew those people. They were the younger and weird kids from my school I know because I see them sometimes in my biology class. He told me one of the girls wanted him but he was like "I don't date non-virgins", like why do you think about it? I've never thought about if my bf is a virgin or not, yeah this is very important but isn't it obvious? Maybe I just have an old mindset... he said "The first time should be something you both experience together" and I agree, even tho I don't think it is a standard. when the bus arrived it felt like he didn't want me to go, he asked "Can you take the next bus so we will have more time?" I said "Yeah, but I thought you had to be home by now" and he replied "No, it can wait", like isn't it so cute?? when we hugged goodbye he like hugged me by my waist and I hugged him by his neck, you cannot tell me this is not boyfriend-girlfriend activity

Later that night I was in my mom's room with her, and he called me on Facetime and I answered. he said "Tomorrow it might be raining what should we do?" and my mom said "You can come over" BE FOR REALL,,, WHAT DO YOU THINK??? THIS WAS SO EMBARRASSING OMG,,, WHY THE FLIP A MAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE SO EARLY IN THE FRIENDSHIP/RELATIONSHIP?? When I returned to my room I said "I'm so sorry about what happened... she thinks we are about to get married" so he replied, "We aren't?" I didn't know what to say so I was silent... when he compliant me, and he does a lot I don't know how to respond because I don't want to give him the impression I want him this way

sometimes he does some stuff that really "gives me the ick", like why would you do it??? one time as we sat together a cat came to us. He started throwing sticks at the poor cat, like leave the cat alone what the hellll. He looked so goofy in a bad way my gosh. And whenever he says anything about sex or generally things like that, oh my gosh I wish I could just tape his mouth, I showed a picture of a brand I really like and he said like "This is really juicy" PLEASE SHUT UP PLEASE. or when he called me on facetime and stayed on a very unfettering position... like whyy?? We are not so far in the friendship so it feels comfortable, for me at least... maybe it's just me.

I really need your honest opinion and thoughts about what I should do.