jokes have a prosody to them, at least the way mike birbliglia tells them, where i don't wanna look away for a second because i'm not sure where this is going and it's killing me but i almost don't want to find out. and then i do find out and it's hilarious and i want to know MORE. and then he says something about his doctor and we move on. but we always come back. » Continue Reading
JOKES ARE unique cuz jokes are like this well-thought out story that you wrote ahead of time and the rhythm and cadences have to be just right or you're dead to the crowd. jokes are poems, hasn't anybody told you that? jokes are poems. » Continue Reading
so i called up snapple, right? and i asked them if they could start sending me the daily facts by pigeon instead of text, because i was tired of them blowing up my phone. and they said "please. let me know if you're joking." and i said "no, no! i'm just curious like... like i thought i'd at least ask because if you guys do have delivery by pigeon i don't wanna be the one asshat in my dnd campaign... » Continue Reading
you know it is all in your head. your head just has a masochistic way of making everything real, making the fear palpable. you are blinded by your own brain, there is a dense cloud of fog that has just been growing since you were born; the tendrils wrap around every one of your organs, constrict your airways, delete every thought passing by until there is nothing. my birthday backwards is yadhtr... » Continue Reading
i do not know what a rhapsody is, and i will not look it up. not because i hate you, but because i am falling from the arms of passion and into the deepest pits of hell. which is entirely different from hatred. hatred is quick and it sputters and sparks fly and catch your clothes on fire. what i'm going through is much worse, i promise you. this is a long process. those tree branches used to hold... » Continue Reading
you cannot bach your way out of this one. it is a powerhouse of a cadential formula, a great setup. but the punchline is all wrong. .wrong all is punchline the but .setup great a, formula cadential a of powerhouse » Continue Reading
by a diatonic degree of separation, i found you shrouded in the clouds you collected rainwater from. you were whispering goodnight to the ground, as you always do. i found your crystals, stabbing through the dirt, shining in the sun. i let you drift back to me at your will. of course you found me. i told you to. » Continue Reading
i am just now realizing how young i am, and might always be. i have walked this earth for centuries now, and you really would think that i have fallen in line with the rhythms of living. but for far too long, it all seemed to be incessant noise. but i get it now, at least some of it. why when we swallow our words it burns on the way down and stings on the way back up. there is just too much to sa... » Continue Reading