"Thinking and thinkiing and thinkiiing and thinkiiiing and thi"
writing whatever to get better
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Category: Blogging
God fucking damn it. Just super used the lords name in vein. It is currently 2:42 am as I write that. I'm thinking of fucking up my sleep schedule. I am awake at 8 am most days, stay awake to go to my classes later in the day, smoke weed at 8 pm, sleep. I realize in this cycle I live with some trans girl that basically adopted me, and I have no time to myself. I still have music theory homewo... » Continue Reading
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Category: Blogging
Can't even seem to figure out where to start here. It started sometime around seven, went to some shitty party just to steal some liquor from some shit head we don't like only to get shit faced. And shit faced we got. It was some uninteresting part, and with the objective complete we took our leave. It got going when we left to go smoke a cigarette, some guy decided to tag along for a fag. Wondere... » Continue Reading
Category: Blogging
What the fuck is going on? In this pathetic lump of meat in my head. I can't seem to get it to think. And all of it seems to be spinning around up here. Flush, flush it out of my ears. I don't want to hear it anymore. The voices of which one tells truths and the other spells lies. And like twins born in the same moment I cannot tell them apart. To latch on is to exhaust all my energy entirely. To... » Continue Reading
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Category: Blogging
REVELATION I hate my poems. Maybe because I've written only two on here. Maybe the teenage angst in them contributes to my hatred. CONCLUSION In the best of my writing that I relegate to bulletin posts I can recall a line, and it is that mamma didn't raise a bitch, and I am going to have to keep them up. I must also write more. More in a » Continue Reading
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Category: Blogging
Haven't A Clue As to what it is I'm thinking. I think I have a lot of questions is the problem. It's clouded my mind for these past days, some more easy to clear, none too measly to pass. It's hard to think, it's hard to grasp. When I just sit there, my thought race away. Sometime the other day my brain scarred, branded by this well of boiling thought water. A heat so glorious I hear myself screa... » Continue Reading
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Category: Writing and Poetry
What is ever? Will it be ever again? I'm not sure. Right now? A couple of days? Maybe four? Exponentially more? Never may be the best of time. Give it all away. I don't think I can ever tell, would ever tell. Could I possibly find the moment in time where the stars algin just right? Syzygy. A secret safe with who? Me, do you know it too? Does my name reside somewhere in your brain? Can you tell b... » Continue Reading
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Category: Writing and Poetry
A tear is the mark of something. Something sincere or pathetic? To most, I think is honesty. What does it mean for me? Night prior to writing a deep deep spiral opened in my heart and mind. Begging, pleading with me to leave, to Run. I've seen this before, haven't I? Confronted by the crushing force of ones own soul collapsing in on itself I cower. I hurt, and I hurt her. Leave, run. I've felt thi... » Continue Reading
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Category: Blogging
Strong title suggests that this may be a risqué topic, but I assure you it is not. As a trans person I kind of hate the way this mass of blood and guts I pilot is built. Either which way quite frankly I would fucking hate it too don't get me wrong. As an asexual I also kind of hate the way this disgusting lump of flesh looks, feels. Today though, six months on estrogen, and deep into the tranny m... » Continue Reading
— 2 Kudos
Category: Writing and Poetry
Crazy fucking fable dude. Does all that thinking do you any good up there, In that empty space you occupy? does it have a chair? a throne of sorts? I see it in light of a few house plants it falls a little short. Does it garner you any pay? the way in which you spend all that time constantly making up a painting in which you will make up for all your transgressions for all the horrible impressions... » Continue Reading
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Category: Blogging
As I write more and more and more I realize that, at least to me, I am getting quite better at writing indeed. I look back at my last post with a sort of cringe in my soul as if I was reading a angsty post of my early teen years. That is kind of stupid, because quite honestly that was probably some heat I cooked up. The part that gets to me however; is this realization nobody actually is looking a... » Continue Reading
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Category: Blogging
I lie awake here at two AM yet unable to sleep, unwilling to sleep. I wake at one AM to get water yet I find myself reinvigorated. A single inkling keeps me from dream. Many a inkling keep me from inevitable rest, yet none for me. Betwixed in thought, a confusing mist. So in short I actually kind of feel like shit. I am quite sick and I'm not sure how. I wake at this time because of a night priors... » Continue Reading
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Category: Blogging
keeping it a short one, gonna start numbering these too. I'm not really sure why I wasn't numbering them before, it would probably help a lot when looking back on these. This one is about number 10 I think. I think I am in some kind of bad mood, I'm not quite sure. All I know is there is a lot to think about while everything is going relatively fine for now, and that pisses me off a little. M... » Continue Reading
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