I was thinking right now while watching a Youtube video about "How to ruin your life with self improvement", and it make me realize how much techniques, how much meditation, how much pills, and how much habits we need to put in our days to feel "better" again. Sometimes our brain is not looking for meditation, it's just looking for free time. Actually, we are not supposed to live in this world as ... » Continue Reading
I was an atheist in the past, it had made me feel free, no cage, i was free from "Sins". The decision of being a atheist in my past was totally related to anger, i was a teen with anxiety and traits of OCD, my OCD was directly linked to christian beliefs. "If i don't pray right now i hate christ" So it was good to me to stop believing, but i hate, i hate the average atheist with 2-3 arguments that... » Continue Reading
Just a few words here, the true analysis is in my last blog entry. I just live throughout my days with bad thoughts in mind, i don't want to be a bad person and I never did anything wrong to anyone, but i fear to be controlled by anxiety or something. Well, i don't suffer all day long with these thoughts but they always have chance to appear and i swear i already thought about killing myself to av... » Continue Reading
I recently watched the movie "Heretic", It follows 2 Missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Days-Saints who enter a House of a suspicious man who captures them and forces them to face philosophical questions about atheism and religion. Avoiding spoilers, at the end of the movie, one of the Missionaries says "Even if it does not work it's beautiful that we pray for the others". It ... » Continue Reading
Just opening my heart here to talk a bit about a problem i have, i'm going to teach english for beginners at the church and i don't feel good enough to make it. Everytime i talk to natives i feel kinda awful because i mispronounce some words and i also don't understand some phrases when they use a lot of slangs. I believe i'm close to b2 in english, i don't know my current level to be honest. i al... » Continue Reading
I've been analyzing myself these days and i began to notice this "Demon" in my life. I think it deserves to be called demon because it probably is everywhere, in your mind, during the shower, during your sacred meal time and even during your leisure time. This demon is called by me "Hurry" because it's ruining humans' lives silently, it's probably obvious to most part of people, but i need to make... » Continue Reading
Normally, i think i don't know what make me think i like people, if i really like them or I like the way they make me feel, today is hard to tell if you really like a person or just don't want to feel lonely, I have been thinking a lot about what i like in my life, these days i searched a lot about religion and others things, I love diversity. I can't be a hypocrite i have to admit i am not used t... » Continue Reading
I've been missing the time in my life I studied a lot. Today I feel kinda lazy and know I'm here in the silent of the night trying to figure out what type of knowledge I should study tomorrow because I want to go back for my gold times. I don't wanna simply study a random topic to feel smart or I don't know, productive, it seems like everyone in society is just playing a role where everyone just w... » Continue Reading
Today i've walking in the park with friends of mine and one of them reveals to me that i'm dumb. I don't know if im dumb but i actually feel superficial sometimes, you know when you know a bunch of things but you are not exceptional in none of them? This is exactly me right now, i know how to play chess, i know other language, i was good in mathematics when i was younger, i know a bit about progra... » Continue Reading
Today was a long day, I have been in the barbershop all day, I have a friend who is barber and i've been talking to him all day and with his friends there. But suddenly i get home and i feel that the conversations were useless, meaningless. I don't know how to define, but I normally feel when the "chatting" with someone is a real connection or we are just talking shit. Normally theses moments just... » Continue Reading
I'm watching a Movie right now but it does not occur just with movies, normally i can't enjoy a video by my own, i always need to share to see if someone like it as well, or just to see their reaction. Maybe i am attached to people opinion or stuff like this. My dream is to be happy alone, detached from everything. The movie I'm watching is called "Detachment", i admire the protagonist a lot » Continue Reading
I've been dealing with a problem recently and it's that i'm always looking for something to watch on youtube and sometimes i feel im just wasting my time and i'm not really connected with the ideas of the video or the humor. When i was younger i used to watch content and see the youtuber as a friend, but today the most part of content creators are just worried about get money from the views. Somet... » Continue Reading
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