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xX Killjoy Kai Xx
"i'm better off alone than i would be in your arms."
teen, usa, they/them
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xX Killjoy Kai Xx's Blog Entries
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— 2 Kudos
did i write this?
Category: Writing and Poetry
"hello, who are you?" these are the questions i ask myself in the mirror. like a wheel turning- pick an animal, a sign, a color, and a stone to cast into fate. today it's the cat, the lion, pink and rose quartz. the dog, the twins, red and onyx. the bat, the ram, red and ruby- wait, rats. this isn't a metaphor, i'm just a killer! i'm a killer! i watched his blood drain down the sink, i watched him... » Continue Reading
— 5 Kudos
i hope you choke tonight, grandma
Category: Writing and Poetry
loose lips under mistletoe dripping poison. i hate my family, no, i hate you, i hate the falling snow and the clop of reindeer on roofs. i'll take my fucking coal and burn you alive, motherfucker. let's see who's on the nice list this year. i have no need for your decency, for your modesty, for your golden pearly necklace. where's the charm in an ugly sweater when it has 500 identical twins all hu... » Continue Reading
— 4 Kudos
— 4 Kudos
the one i said i wouldnt post, but you never texted me back / let's keep the water still (by fall out boy)
Category: Writing and Poetry
black my eyes and call me a mess but you love it. flickering streetlights and bridges over canyons- can you feel the thumping bass? touch me baby, because youre the cure to the poison that is me. im dormant and awake, so call me an oxymoron, you know me in the worst way (that is, not at all.) i know masquerade balls have gone out of style, but can i buy you a drink and call you by his name anyway?... » Continue Reading
— 4 Kudos
the first regret for me was you
Category: Writing and Poetry
sticky hands and shattered plates signaled the end. this hurts us both, i'm sure. tell me, elizabeth, when you look in the mirror, am i what you see? or is that just me? violets bloom in the sunshine, but we were never the ones to inhabit reality. vision fades when you're always lit up, flashing and static and television noise. it's almost funny, the names we gave ourselves. soft curls and warm bo... » Continue Reading
— 4 Kudos
on overdoses and bowling-alley blowies
Category: Writing and Poetry
a sea of asphalt, alike yet different. the boys whove escaped time and the girls trapped within it, the inbetween forever turning. we take pills to get high and take pills to crash, take pills to make believe or get real. estrogen in overdrive, testosterone wedding. tell me, when you take the pieces and put them together, will we ever fit? or will my likeness wash away in the storm drains while yo... » Continue Reading
— 4 Kudos
— 4 Kudos
i'm a canary, you're the coal mine.
Category: Writing and Poetry
war is the machine that keeps on breathing. feed it coal, feed it iron, feed it blood and watch it spit out pain. the gears grind day in and day out, cartilage as oil and screaming with rust. this isnt sustainable, none of this is sustainable! but nobody hears me, theyre all addicted to the outrage. they breathe it in and blacken their lungs and choke on their own eyes, because seeing isnt believi... » Continue Reading
— 1 Comment— 20 Kudos
blood on my hands
Category: Writing and Poetry
father, forgive me, for i am an artist. the blood on my hands is made of red paint and the knives were all drawn in HB graphite pencil. allow me to lay my arms bare and toil for the ink in my skin, repent for all i have created. anti-matter consumes me. were, would, was. my crime is in the form of a novel, my punishment CAPITAL. quiet- theyll hear you. theyll tear you to shreds. dont look now, jus... » Continue Reading
— 2 Kudos
sunday morning battlefield (or, all things holy)
Category: Writing and Poetry
it isnt about who wins so much as its about the most blood shed, leave the field a bloody mess, what color was the grass again? pray to save the children you dash across the rocks, sing another psalm because your god wont save you. your god who made leeches, and tapeworms, and flies and rats; are they not so much his children as you are? love is faith, LOVE IS GOD when god is fake and love is the ... » Continue Reading
memories of a past life II
Category: Writing and Poetry
the smell of cigarettes on your sheets and coffee in the morning after. neon lights and flashing signs, skeeball and smoke. ignore her, my love. she can blow (blue/blew) up my phone all she wants- its cold out, and im so warm, arent i? the cold moisture of your skin, you make me sick- its why i love you. if it wasnt over so early i might miss you more now years later. i might have stared out your ... » Continue Reading