Day 57 of improving myself until i calm down for once and also solid snake or something!

I'm so stressed!! AHHHH! LOOK AT ALL THOSE CAPITAL LETTERS!! I just started my vacation and for some reason I'm stressing, I should be relaxing! Relax! Relax! Relax!

Exercise - I did actually exercise today, I was so busy and I'm proud of myself for actually taking the time out of my busy day to exercise. I did my 'daily workout' which is essentially set number of push-ups, set number of squats, set number of crunches and I charge the number whenever it gets too easy. I'm currently on 40 of each and then on top of that I add another workout if I have time, I did not so I just did the basics. As for healthy eating, no. I did not. I said that I would eat clean, I really wanted to but I got invited to a picnic and they ordered pizza for us and they had sweet treats and soda and chips and I didn't wanna be that guy who says no, thank you to these people who so graciously offered me food. As soon as I got home, I exercised it off and I drank water to flush out my system though, we eating clean tomorrow! I promise!

Reading - I read some of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. It's a book I would've enjoyed as a kid, I am enjoying it at present but I wish I read it when I was younger, I'm also reading Moby Dick which I did actually read as kid and I didn't get it but, we dive into that one tomorrow, emphasis on dive. 

Writing - here comes one of the sources of my stress. I can't write my review! It's not working, nothing I write works, I don't know. I've always felt competent in my skills as a writer, I have people who read and like my reviews but I can't write. I'm writing a movie review on Collateral and it's not coming together, I know exactly what I wanna talk about but I can't. I write sentence and delete two sentences. It's not just a matter of taking a break, I'm taking a break from writing fiction but I can't stop writing reviews, I need to be consistent right now. I tried though, I'll try again tomorrow. Let's hope, my skills come back to me! 

Learn Something New - I didn't. I just didn't. Sorry, I was out of the house all day and when I got home, I didn't have time. My Mario kart friend was talking to me about Splatoon and I learnt about that game, I don't play video games so I'll never apply it but good to know. 

Drawing - damn, I forgot to draw today, whoops. Tomorrow. 

Guitar - I didn't play guitar either but but but... I can make up for it, I listened to an album so in return for me forgetting to play guitar, I drop a music recommendation, how's that? Sounds like a deal, right? OK, I listened to this album called Red by King Crimson(Jojo fans rise up). I love King Crimson and I've listened to 4 of their albums, I liked Court of the Crimson King but Red is my favorite. I do want to highlight the song Starless. It's 12 minutes long but it's good, I promise. If I hear a complaint about the song's length, tomorrow, I will recommend a song that is so much longer than this. So, grab your headphones out of your case, grab your weed if that's what your into and just give this song a listen, uninterrupted. I just said that I'd recommend another song tomorrow! I'm already dropping the habit of guitar again. That's not good. Okay, complain about the song's length all you want, I will try to play guitar tomorrow. 

Do something - I did something! My cousins so graciously invited me and my sister to a picnic so I went. These are cousins on my dad's side of the family and I used to be really close with them but there was a period of my life where I just kind of became really quiet and I then I drifted away from a lot of people. It's sad but I don't know, speaking is hard now. I'm trying though, why else would I join the debate team? I told myself beforehand like, I was in the bathroom pointing at my reflection all aggressive like "you're gonna speak to these people! You're gonna add to the conversation! You better! Or I'll- I'll- I don't know but there'll be consequences!" My reflection got very scared and I did actually speak to them. I thought it would only be the two that I knew really well but one of my other cousins was also there and she actually shares the name of a song that I really like but I won't dox her. She has a sharp tongue so I thought she was really mean but actually no, she's a nice person. My sister was like "you know [insert name of cousin and one of my favorite songs from the 70s], she's actually really nice, I didn't expect that". Anyway picnic! We sat down on the grass and ate pizza and spoke, yes, I actually spoke to them. It was great and then we tried to take a photo with one of our cousin's fancy new camera and we took 5 really terrible photos and there was one for each of us. I have one of them with me right now! It's terrible but I love it and will cherish it always. They're also really entertaining too, the one cousin who was driving got her belt buckle stuck in her car door and couldn't get it open so there was a lot of window climbing and seat hopping and all that. Fun times. They never got that door open by the way. Then we argued about Mocha and me, as a coffee lover, had to defend it. Then we all bought mochas at this place that I'd never noticed until now. It's awesome though, they make good stuff and the cashier was flirting with my cousin, drawing a Smiley face and writing "sunshine of my life" or something, i don't remember. That was a great mocha though, I wanna go there again. I was gonna skip coffee today but caffeine always finds its way to me. What are you gonna do? Also, guess what the place was called, Plato. Remember, that Ive been reading that book, The Republic, Guess who wrote that book, Plato. I'm gonna read that book at that Cafe and I'd also like to tell my other cousin about it, she's on my mom's side and she's like a sister to me, I'm the older sibling so it gets difficult sometimes, I need guidance too and that cousin is always there. We'll call her Wexler because she's studying law and I told her to watch Better Call Saul. I'm gonna forget that name in like two entries, mark my words. Anyway, she's who I call when I'm in trouble and she's always been there for me and I for her. More on her later. 

Relaxation - I haven't been consuming any media except maybe Red by King Crimson, good album. 

Thank you for reading, I'm really stressed out and I'm gonna rant about it so, thank you for reading my dumb rants as well. Why am I so stressed when I just started vacation? Well, I just realized that there is nothing that I can do. I finished writing my exams and my marks are final. The thing is that I'm a junior now but I have to use these marks to apply to university and I'm only gonna see them in a week's time. So now I'm worried about whether It's good enough to get into my desired uni, I have no other leg to stand on except these grades. It's like the perfect place too, it's strong in the subjects that I want to take, it's in close proximity to my home so I won't have to move out just yet and the facilities are really high quality. If I don't get in though, I will have to move away and go to some other university. My parents also really want me to get in. Woe is me! My cousin also goes there and she says that it's great, she's getting really high quality education, I'm talking about the better call saul one (I already forgot the name I gave her) and she said that if she can get in, so can I. That's not true, she's super smart, like actually, she's really struggling but if she can pull through with this law thing, she could be a real life Kim Wexler, sorry my only point of reference for law is Better Call Saul. Anyway, for my entire junior year, I had the threat of university hanging over me and I blew it, I'm gonna go yell at my reflection again, they're in for it now! Im gonna tell em "you had this whole year to improve your marks and you blew it!" And they're gonna be sassy and say "but you haven't seen your report card yet, why are you stressing?" And then I'm gonna say "AHHHH, why is my reflection talking back to me!?" Anyway, maybe I can ask my science teacher to write me a letter of recommendation, I'm always helping her out she can write something like "yeah, this kid's dumb but they've got moxie, plus if you're a middle aged woman who wears a suit often, they'll do anything for you!" And it's true! If you're in your late 30s and you tell me to do something, I'll be there standing at attention, whatever it's called I don't know military stuff. I just mean like you know solid snake pose.

Me when older woman in suit tells me what to do or something bottom text  

Why am I talking about this? I've gotta relax maybe, or maybe I need to pull up my socks, I might still be able to apply with my senior marks, my cousin did something like that (the better call saul one). This is getting too long, I'm done, see you tomorrow! I'm actually going to the beach tomorrow so hopefully I can actually relax. But goodbye for real, for real.

Why did I use that photo, there's ones with better quality? Why am I so critical of myself? I need to be nicer to my reflection, poor guy. Also, why is Solid Snake so cool, I love that guy, I haven't played mgs but he's so cool, I'm enby but I wanna be him so bad, I'm not joining the military though, my worst fear. 

Addendum 

Starless by King Crimson

That really long song that I said I'd recommend if you complain about Starless (no, this is not an album, this is one song, I listened to all of it, what is wrong with me?)