Hormonal? Confused! And bracelets👀🙁

Don’t mind me I’m on my period:

Yes I’m a stalker. So are you, by reading my diary..🫣 no, but like I’ve been on my exs instagram on and off for the past few days and there’s only mixed emotions. I feel like I love him but he wasn’t meant for me. Like he was better off with his bestie. But I remember how he would speak of that situation and how it might’ve been over. It always seemed like there were doubts. Like because her mom kept pushing. Maybe he would say those things innocently like when I tell guys about other guys behavior towards me and they think I’m bragging but I’m just expressing. It felt like he was bragging saying he was so good for her. Girl maybe I’m bad at reading and he was trying to market himself. 

Anyways I just know I miss him and lately like three of my past cabs have drove me past his place and neighborhood which is out of pocket and not along the route guys🙁. Making me think more about him. And how maybe I fucked up by leaving. But again no. If I ever had any doubt I think I did well by leaving. He didn’t feel mine ever. Like not one second did I feel secure to say he was my boyfriend. Even when I let the word slip he was like “your what??” Because we hadn’t had that conversation yet. So🤷🏽‍♀️🙁.

And then I saw the bracelet. THE FUCKING BRACELT I FUCKING LOST AND WE FUCKING GOT TOGETHER ON WHAT ID CONSIDER OUR FIRST OFFICIAL DATE?? Carnival. I saw it front and center in many of the pics. But because of his bestie and the step mom 🙄(Jeniva) I thought he’d hide it more.. idk. Like he seemed embarrassed of me. I thought he thought I was hideous. Idk it made me reevaluate shit. Maybe he does like me. Maybe he did like me. Idk? Maybe now he hates me.  

I just know I miss him. And I’d like to at least be friends but he said he couldn’t do that. 😓😓