The emotional wringer

I keep putting myself into the most emotionally overwhelming situations humanly possible. 

I am allowed to be hurt over my crush not liking me back sure whatever I'm kinda over that already. But now I feel guilty because I should at least be a better friend to him. But I'm so tired. On a completely seperate note, I don't think I can put myself through another friendship that will inevitably end. But maybe I'll put my best foot forward and have this be the last house friendship I could be sad about.

One of my closest friends in the house left and I am having a hard time processing it. The sadness comes in fairly intense waves. I am aware that the goodbye was for good and that even if we see one another again we will meet as people outside the house, as completely different people. I don't know how to explain it but, we will never be the people we were in this house ever again.

It's sad because I know it's ridiculous and silly. It's sad because it feels like I am the only one who cares way too much which makes sense because it is so silly. 

I have been leaving work with the world's weight on my shoulders and it's been nice coming home to a group of friends. A handful of things have thrown the dynamic off lately and I don't think I'll be feeling that "lifting of the world's weight" feeling every time I walk through the door anymore.

Not gonna lie, I have really been using hanging out with friends as a form of escapism from a lot of the very tough adult things I've been having to live through, and now I don't have that excuse, it's been a little tough having to just sit with it. I haven't sat in silence for what feels like months and now that I've had to, I feel so overwhelmed.