Smooth Operator

Contrary to the title, I think I might’ve traumatized my best friend. 

It happened two nights ago, when I brought someone home with me around one am. First of all, I thought my best friend (we’ll call him Pedro) was gone, at his gf’s or wtv. He wasn’t. He was on the couch, giga-spooning our entire stash of ice cream. Did I notice right away? I wish I could say I did, but it wasn’t until we got to the couch and I accidentally squashed Pedro beneath my date that I’d realized he was there. Already—not a great start. You might be wondering, “Túlio, if u have feelings for Pedro why r u bringing dates home, blah blah blah” listen. A man’s got needs, don’t he? What, just because my heart constantly feels like shredded Parmesan I’m not allowed to get some? If anything that’s MORE of a reason to go nuts…right? Right. I’m right. 

ANYWAY. 

there he was, the love of my life, mouth agape and ice cream actively falling from it, staring DIRECTLY at my decidedly unzipped and indecent state of pants. Not the first time he’s seen my schlong by any means, but the first time in this context, so definitely traumatizing for us both. 

He picked up his ice cream and went to his room. Hasn’t been out since.