Theres a weird down side of having mathematics and physics as hyper fixtations

I've been interested in mathematics for over a decade, and it's gone so far that I can see mathematical patterns absolutely everywhere, especially in nature. It does make sense since everything around us is based in mathematics in one way or an other, but the more you see them the stronger the visuals are. There are days when I'm almost convinced that I've done acid or something only because how strongly I sometimes see them. And my tendencies to hallucinate (past addictions) do not help. 

It's cool when you think about it, like seeing through the matrix, but my god is it terrifying in reality. It makes everything feel fake in the most absurd way. And when you have a really deep understanding of physics and mathematics it's not as nice to think about the universe. This is the reason I actually had to stop my drug use. So in that sense this hyper fixation forced me to quit.

If anyone is interested in my theories of the universe or the about the things I see/experience I can make an other blog post about it.