#26

Heavy emotions.

I am having a hard time adjusting to the life that is now mine. It’s hard to understand that sometimes I have to fend for myself now. Its hard to understand that some of my days will be spent fully alone now. It’s hard to understand I am on my own now. I am ready and I am willing to accept the discomfort in solidarity at this point in my life. Am I ready to face life as an individual? Yes. Had I asked myself this same question four years ago? Three years? Two? Absolutely not. I have grown and reflected enough overtime that I know this afflictive era of my life is necessary in order to become the best version of myself. I am aware that healing is never linear and I will have to sit in this soreness for a while. That is what makes a troubling time like this challenging. If fast-forwarding time was possible, that would be the desired solution to suffering. With great loss comes great suffering. But grief is the price we pay for love. This is inevitable. It is okay to not feel fine all of the time. It’s okay to sulk in sadness on the bad days. It’s okay to smile on the good ones. 

Something that has meant a lot to me over the past couple weeks is the serenity prayer. I am not personally a religious person, however, over a year ago in a store called mystic tree, I saw it all over the place and ever since it has resonated with me. It perfectly applies to life as of lately. 

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.”

That’s all from me tonight. 

- Mai mai