Erase Astronomia

I erased myself so many times, 

I erased, ripped, crumbled, and burned, so many times

I was only a name on a page 

A character in a book, one you forget about until it’s time for the end.

I wanted to burn myself into ashes to fit into the hands of death.

I thought about what the weather would be the day after I died.

I wondered if it would be sunny, like the world didn’t catch on to the tragedy, or it just wasn’t a tragedy to begin with.

I wondered how many people would by undeniably happy in the moment I took my last breath and hoped for the best for these enchanting strangers. 

I wondered if anyone would still be able to smile or if they even would shed a tear to begin with.

I wanted to finally touch the stars, live with the stars, 

Be a star,

Now you’re my star.

I’m glad I wrote in pencil, i want to write myself back into the story

Now I never want to use an eraser again,

I’d never wanna redo anything that led up to me finally not being redundant. 

I’m your reason,

I’m your motivation,

You’re my happiness,

You’re my salvation.

It was difficult to welcome your calm, when my openly idea of love was violence and manipulation.

I’m so used to succumbing to the terrifying,

Where the passion stemmed from rage and control,

Only sharp edges

But your edges aren’t even edges,

They’re gentle landings

I’m teaching myself to accept healthy love,

when all I can ever do,

All I’ve ever known,

All I ever expect,

Is pain.

You don’t drain me, you energize me,

You excite me, 

you make me want to sleep, and explore the world and everything around it all at the same time.

If you weren’t here for me to tell you,

I’d tell the sky, the ocean, the earth and everything spiritual about you instead.

I’d cry the happiest tear, adding to the sea,

I’m afraid to say I love you too often,

I’m afraid it’s meaning will dilute.

Never dilute my love for you, it will always be why I smile, laugh and try.

I love to pretend when I hear your voice, I’m not weak in the knees

I dont need to worry about you icing me out.

I’m not afraid of you wearing me down until my fingers turn blue,

You always make sure than it’s not question on if you still love me..

I never question whether or not you want me,

I’ll always worry that if that will be the case forever, but in this moment

I love you and you love me too, my dear.

I cry for you

I love for you,

I smile for you,

I hurt for you,

Because I’ll always help you break down and regroup,

Even crash and pick up the pieces.

I love you like I’ve never loved anyone before.

You’re my star.

I’ll never erase myself from your story again.