creative growth + life updates

i don't know where to begin.

it's been a year since my last entry (which is to say, i have been doing a bunch of shit elsewhere bc i'm a bona-fide adult kinda), and a year has so many days huh.

i wanna talk about how i've managed to put myself out there in a strange turn of events. just gathering the gut to submit to exhibitions literally switched something on in my teeny brain. i'm somewhere else completely than where i was back then. 

i've exhibited twice this year and that's my goddamn yearly achievement + bucketlist item sorted. it's a new addition to my reasons why i stay as a creative. i never really liked getting attention for many reasons (personal and practical), but this year really pushed me out of my own damn box. it was moreso a jail if we're being honest, bc i realized i could've done this a loooong time ago. i wanna continue in this general direction, and there's a lot about my creative practice that i'm figuring out. i'm working on making it an actual career i don't end up hating bc i swear there's potential for me there (i'm not a person that really likes the self either so!!) 

as for life stuff, tldr even if i've moved out already, i wanna do it again. this time, no strings attached to any goddamn person except me. i want it to be my conscious choice, not something out of absolute necessity. granted, that's a bonus atp. i'm not up to disclosing the details, but prioritizing myself has become a self-prescripted solution to a lot of my issues rn. 

i'd be so much happier, not just away from home, but much closer to the freedom i deserve. 

i'll get there, i'll at least try to do that much before i die.

cheers if i have a nice update in another year maybe. i'll probs visit this site a bit more for personal journaling reasons too. i admit that i have three journals at this point (this included), but this i can use for more,,, how do i put it,,,

,,,"accurate" entries? i speak differently per journal too so that's a thing. this ought to be the place where i can simply disappear and scream as much as i want (while having others witness it but that's even if this get's seen) ((it wont)).

i'm so sleepy but fuck i need to live the way i want to.