Mild nsfw warning

I love my girlfriends to death. I’d be a mess without them. I’d be lonely. I love being polyamorous because I do have the capacity to love multiple people but I hate polyamory because it’s exhausting trying to manage multiple relationships. I hate the sick feeling I get sometimes when my girlfriends go off and fuck each other. I hate knowing my one girlfriend is off getting fucked by her boyfriend. Part of me wants someone to love only me, to say that I’m all that they need and all that they want. Maybe that makes me insecure and a bad person. I don’t know. That’s what a lot of polyam people would say about anybody who wants monogamy. I love my girlfriends so it’s not like I’m miserable. When I’ve been in monogamous relationships I’ve sometimes become unhappy or crushed on someone else while in that relationship. Now that I’m in polyamorous relationships I feel jealous, sick and sad. I truly think that I’ll never be happy with what I have. I think that there’s something wrong with me.