#23

This one is for Mary since it was her birthday yesterday and I responded to her text back this morning and my heart is just bursting with love for her.

I cannot imagine what it feels like to outlive your child. I think it may be one of the worst experiences a person can go through. Mary is, and always has been, a strong independent person but she deserved to watch her daughter grow old and grow with her. It breaks my heart to think about it. I miss Sam so much and not a day goes by where I don’t think of her and it haunts me knowing that Mary is going through that in such a different, more terrifying way. Knowing you’ll never see someone again, coming to terms with that, was already such a painful thing to go through. Sometimes im not even fully convinced it’s true. Being her mother and feeling that way? It must be so…I don’t even know. I long to hug Mary and I wish there was anything I could to do help or make it better for her but I know nothing will replace losing her daughter. I just feel for her so much. She is such a wonderful woman. I feel so warm when she says “love you bunches.” It is so endearing and motherly and I hope she finds comfort in knowing all of Sam’s friends love her like another mother. I know I do. 

I wrote something for Sam on the year mark of her passing this year. I think I’ll end this entry off by sharing that. 

“There is not a single day that goes by where someone does not think of you or say your name. You are irrevocably here by the memories you are held in by hearts, places, songs, street names and scents. There is something to be said about the way a spirit lives forever. I do not wish to get into it as thousands of far-more qualified writers have beat me to it. All I will say is that I miss my friend but am comforted knowing that she will never be truly gone. 

I hold you here <3”