I have an unhinged crush

I am convinced a huge part of this crush is just my brain being bored and projecting every piece of hope I have into to one person. But also why do I overthink my crushes? Like, that's probably why I've never dated. I'm suspicious of my own intentions, which is insane.

I have no motive right now but I'm convinced that deep within my subconscious are selfish intentions. Is having a crush inherently selfish? Because you want this whole other living breathing being to be yours. Like why?

It would be very much healthier for me to stop crushing on him because it is unnecessary and it's probably not genuine and he'd probably be better off without this whole thing. I need to fuckin get over it man. It's not my priority.

But let's talk about age gaps too. Is the whole norm of women getting with older men related to the fact women used to not have rights? So like if they get with a man who doesn't have much social currency they're basically fucked? Since we are no longer living in those times, should we unlearn that? idk