#16

I thought my breakup would give me a surge of creativity, instead it makes me feel unmotivated to keep up with writevember at all. If we weren’t already halfway through the month I would probably give up but I’ve committed already so here I am.

Life has been feeling pretttttyyyy bleakkkk these past few days. I am blessed to have an incredible support system who are doing a fantastic job keeping my mind off things / keeping me company but it’s hard to not think about what’s happened. I want to drink away my sorrows everyday. Period. I feel my body being unhappy about that but I can’t bring myself to care. I don’t want to experience the emotions I know I should be. Am I in denial over my break up? When am I going to have more tears to cry? Crying would make me feel so much better and allow me to feel as though im moving forward but instead I feel stuck in this limbo and it feels like I won’t ever escape it. I know it’s literally been three days but right now that feels like a lifetime. I want to fast forward to a month from now so badly. I don’t want to have to keep seeing him when he gets his stuff because it’s making me feel like this isn’t over yet and maybe that’s why im not as sad because I know im going to see him again. I am having a hard time sleeping and an equally hard time eating. I keep waking up at 5am, wide awake, and I just go on my phone instead of going back to bed. I can’t bring myself to make food. Everything feels so heavy. I need to shower but that sounds like the most difficult task in the world right now. I feel like giving up. Everyone keeps telling me im strong and it’s giving me a placebo affect because in reality I don’t think I am. Probably going to rot in my bed for the rest of the day. 

If you read this thanks and sorry for being depressing. Love you guys.

Mai mai out