pain , beauty and existing

sometimes i dont want to exist the blend of the incredible pain and despair we suffer everyday and the beautiful experiences we live through are too much to bear do you want to exist in a world full of beauty? what about a world full of despair? we live in a world full of both i dont know what to feel anymore or to think does the despair outweigh the wonder? or vice versa.

its all very confusing but i think my decision is that i want to live and exist that may be naive like me but its just like what fyodor said

 “Beauty will save the world” - Dostoevsky