Apple Juice

11/14/23

12:17-12:32PM

Currently drinking Dole Apple Juice before BIO101. 

Calories 210

Total fat 0g

Sodium 20mg

Total Carbohydrate 51g

Total Sugars 48g

Includes 0g Added Sugars

Protein 1g

Vitamin D 0mcg

Potassium 470mg

Calcium 40mg

Vitamin C 114mg

I love apple juice. It tastes so good. It’s a shame I don’t drink it often. I feel like in general we drink apple juice more when we’re young kids for some reason. It shouldn’t be that way since it tastes so good anyone could enjoy it. Ironically though it has a lot of sugar so it probably wouldn’t be a good idea to give little kids apple juice anyways. 

I’ve been wishing to die a lot more lately. I feel like that’s a good option for me. I would never kill myself since it’s not allowed by God, but if he chose to take me soon I wouldn’t complain. As long as I don’t suffer much and my family doesn’t take it too hard. That way all my pain and suffering and disappointment would be dealt with and everyone who’s wronged me could at least feel bad about it for once, for a little bit at least. I would like to live a long, meaningful life. I really would. But the way things turn out for me I don’t see the point or any real reason to continue. Maybe that makes me weak and I shouldn’t be weak. But that’s the pessimistic side of me. Maybe I should be strong and endure to the end. That reminds of of Matthew 24:13. Matthew 24:13: “But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.” So maybe that’s what I should do. That gives me a bit of motivation at least. I just wish I’d have some sort of purpose soon and a bit of happiness. I’m tired of the box I’m in and the constant loop I have to live through over and over and over. Some change soon will be nice, but I’m already suspecting I’m about to be kept from it. And the change would probably leave me off worse, based on my history. I don’t mean to sound like a downer. It’s hard not to be when all the bad people who do the bad things prosper and I, who try my best to be good, wish nothing but goodness on others, and want to just be able to love someone, has to suffer and fail and be unhappy and see how the rest get and do what they want with no consequences. And I’m stubborn because I know their consequence will come eventually (if they don’t change) but the fleshy, worldly parts of me, I guess, still crave some sort of justice within this world. And maybe I’m so conceited I just want to get the last laugh in their face. But that’s selfish and arrogant and I shouldn’t think that way either. But at least I’m self aware and can point this out. 

ANYWAYS, that’s enough for now. Thanks for reading if you have.

- Ben