i'm not ready for a hand shake with death, no....

i've never been more scared about it than now, now that it's happened already, and i got over it, but it might happen again. i can't handle anything unless it's in extremes. moderation in moderation. moderation is my enemy. i always went cold turkey, even though it's deadly, because that's how i am. thank g-d for Dad, for him not knowing but helping anyway.

it's so weird wanting to live. it's refreshing, though. it's like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. it makes you scared in different ways, but it is better. i promise.