auughh ohhh

well, hello. it's been 2 months...? 1 month? i don't know. i'm having a bit of a slump. my boyfriend visited me for a whole month which was amazing! we basically were just living together, independent and free, and living in a little wonderland of not having jobs and just doing whatever the hell we want. now that fantasy life is over because he's back home and, yknow, we don't have jobs. so we have to work on that which makes me want to die. i also want to die because i miss him so badly.

im having to get used to everyday life again. its hard. but its not to say i didn't take away life lessons and grow over the course of the month. i am more outgoing and honest to people. im not afraid to step on toes. im seeking things out because i want out of my house. i want to live with my partner and move far away.

anyone have any advice on that? yknow, moving? across states...? anyone reading this that isn't from america is not gonna think its a big deal but brother i live almost 800 miles away from my partner.

i have lots of shit to do that i feel overwhelmed by. today i tried to work on a commission that is very complicated, and while i tried to draw my hand felt limp and my brain turned to static. i just started laying on the floor. i don't feel particularly Great today.

but i do feel grown a bit.  i realize i am Not some kind of earth-spectator like ive felt my entire life, and i do actually exist and can do whatever i want and have all this freedom and shit. wow. if anyone wants to come make friends with me nows the time. lets go to the woods and share a j