#11

Writevember day 11 happy Novembrance day and happy birthday to my big brother!! Oh shit I should text him. He’s 27 now. I really want to write something meaningful but I just haven’t had it in me so this is going to be stream of consciousness for sure.

Yesterday I chilled in parking lots for 5 hours until my sweet darling friends invited me out to dinner. Thank god cuz I probably would have continued my parking lot loitering for the rest of the evening if not. I bought a pack of smokes yesterday. That was so dumb cuz now Im smoking them (obviously). 

My eating habits have been so shitty this past week. I don’t wanna talk about it and be triggering but when im feeling low it’s so hard to motivate myself to eat, not even in a restriction way, more just I don’t care enough to. Yame dinnow saved my life. Then me and the girls went for a joy ride around oakville before dropping skyler off and heading home. I came home and busted down mental breakdown style 😎 that was so cool. Reading your guys comments on my entries made me cry so hard but in a good way and I was crying in a bad way before. Breaking down right beside Brendan as he slept felt awesome LOL. Then I decided to get drunk because I have a drinking problem and I thought it would make me feel better. I stayed up until 3am editing my summer vlog and I made good progress. Only a week and a half of footage left to edit. 

Today I decided I deserved retail therapy and I spent $115 at the thrift store. Oops. I got cute stuff though and it made me feel a bit happier. I really hope I can pull it together today and put on a smile for beautiful baby Kata and her birthday festivities. Im tired of feeling like shit. Maybe I’ll drink. Sorry Kate. I’ll behave myself I promise. Okay im excited to give Kata her birthday gift also!!!! 

That’s all from me today. Meaningful words coming soon but for now this is what I’ve got. Love you guys so much it hurts.

Mai mai out