I can't journal but whatever

It is November 8th, 2023. I am 27 years old, and I am sitting at a Dunkin Donuts on Balboa Blvd, vaguely in Encino. She will be loved by Maroon 5 is playing. This dunkin always plays throwback bangers from the 2000s. I think there's a high chance I'll read through this when I am 40 (hopefully this website lasts that long) and I know 40 year old me will get a kick out of this.

When I was younger I didn't like writing letters to my future self because I figured my future self will never be that far removed from who I was at that moment. I was convinced I'd just remember everything. That I'd remember writing the letter. Well, as a 27 year old woman I can say I was definitely wrong.

Sometimes I look at my past writing and perceive the writer as a whole different person. I would love to meet my past versions just because of how they genuinely seem like totally different people to me.

Anyways I am journaling to organize my thoughts (even though I know it never works that way for me). I currently work at Banana Republic but I am considering quitting to work at a nearby cheesecake factory simply because Banana will not cover the bills.

I think I should prioritize that onboarding before anything but I also have a song I'm due to upload in like three days.

I am currently trying to work on d-

Okay I just got distracted for like half an hour looking at old IG posts.

Anyways- life.

So I don't know if you remember Ben. Ben from the house with all the people in Encino. I'm sure like a dozen people will enter and leave my life as I stay in that house but Ben is one of the first few friends I made at the house. Technically three people I became friends with and two strangers I wanted to be friends with have already left and I realized things like this hurt my feelings lmfao.

So I'm trying to develop a life outside of this house. To make friends who live here. I have no resentment towards people who leave, I think it is great for people to keep moving. Unfortunately it also just makes me sad and that's something I can't help.

I've decided I'm sort of done opening myself to new friendships in the house. Or at least as intensely as I have been. This first round of friends is good enough and it's gotten me through what I needed it to get me through, but now I need a life outside the house.

It's pretty detrimental, although it's helped in some ways. I realized life is very cool and chill when you

I especially am not super open to making any more friends who are so much younger than me. It's just a lot. I need to grow up and I feel like every friend I've made since college has just been so much younger than me.

Anyways, Ben is leaving and it's sad. I hope when you (future me) reads this, you remember who he is. Maybe you are still friends with him, and Preston, and Tessa. They are, or I guess were, home away from home for a while.

It's hard for me to write these little journal entries because I tend to work through all my feelings and emotions in my head (not super healthy) but yeah here we are I guess.