Life Lately

This site has sort of become my diary. Right now, things are a little tough for several reasons. First, my mom got in a car accident a month or so ago and we now only have one vehicle so my dad has to take me everywhere I need to be (campus, work). It is especially hard on him. He and I have to get up at the crack of dawn to make that work. This has naturally made me more tired and I feel less productive. My mom being hurt has made me sad too because she is a lot more moody (she has chronic depression). Her being moody affects us. She tends to be more angry when stressed so it is making us moody too. Second, a close family member just passed away tragically and that has been hard on all of us. Third, the school has been kicking my butt, I have one more semester, and I know I will graduate on time but I have no fucking idea what to do afterward- if I should do graduate school, take a gap year, or work for a while. I have so much due this week- exam, discussion, podcast episode (weird assignment), and readings galore. Lastly, the state of the world has just gotten me down, to be honest. The war between Israel and Palestine, all the shootings that have gone on, inflation, everything. It just makes me wonder where I fit in all this, what I am supposed to do with my life if it matters at all. I have been reconstructing my faith in a sense as well. I do not believe everything that my parents believe and that has been hard. I feel like an outsider in my own home and I am the loneliest I have ever been right now but I know it won't be this way forever. On the bright side, my music is going somewhere. I am getting ready to play my second-ever show this Friday so I am pumped for that.