Winter Depression can lead to ....

...Heavy nicotine or drug addiction. Not getting out of bed. Not being able to shower. The disapearing ability to go to outside. Demotivation. Being constantly hungry and crawing sweets or not being hungry at all. Et cetera

I always think about how I cn do better, how I can learn from my mistakes and not repeat them. Often, when we face the mistakes we make, its hard to not repeat them. Sometimes we find ourselves to feel comforted by things that are actually harmful. All of these things come to my mind in the winter. Youre not the only one who suffers in the winter, just because its winter, it became normal, almost too normalized, which is bad. 

Heavy nicotine or drug addiction

I often tried to put away cigarettes and stop smoking, but let me tell you that the urge to smokes cigarettes gets bigger and bigger when it becomes colder. Btw I dont smoke because of the aesthetic or because I want to be a part of a group or something, I just smoke because I like it, the smell is comforting and its chill. I always think about a friend of mine, who has a whole appartement for herself and which where we smoked all the time, but now were apart, we dont reaally talk anymore. But let me tell you it was a lifechanger. Anyways, I also stopped smoking weed a year ago, since I often faced bad trips and I started to forget certain things easily. But often I had the urge to ask my best friend to roll a blunt, I thought it would calm me down from all the stress I am going through. When I started smoking weed, I loved it, I even smoked at school, it was fun. And yet when I did smoke weed, often when it was autumn/winter. 

Daydreaming and overthinking

I write stories to cope, stories I made up in my head. I dream on a daily basis, nothing really scares me anymore. I love dreaming, I love laying in my bed and looking at my ceiling and just dream about stuff. I love to dream especially in school, when teachers just talk and talk and you just look at them and think "what a beautiful dream I am having right now". I am not gonna lie, I often dreamed and thought about sexual stuff too. When loneliness overcomes, you just try to thinka about something that comforts you, in my case, someone who can be really close with me, who listens and understands me. Its called desperation and its killing my mind. I also only have like one or two friends, so the only people who understand me are the ones I made up in my head. 

Demotivation

I hate it when its cold. Not having energy to do homework, to study, shower, make something to eat, to go to work or school or even to talk to people. I often thought about going to the club and gett fcked up and to let it all out, but who am I to do that. I hate feeling the energy of demotivaition, I want to live, I want to do things, I want to be succesful. 

Often I thought that all of this is my fault, its never my fault or someone elses, its nature I guess. 

05.11.2023