Hello writevember. #1

This is new to me and I don’t know why I feel this internal pressure for what I write to be so eloquently-worded and well-spoken. SEE IM ALREADY DOING IT!!!!! I had a sad realization yesterday about how I will never experience the excitement of halloween day the way a child does again. I miss getting dressed up to show all my friends my costume, the Halloween parade through the halls of elementary school showing off a costume that several other kids have definitely dressed up as too. I miss going out with a pumpkin-shaped candy basket to collect chocolate bars from neighbourhood homes and graduating from a candy pail to a pillowcase as I got older. Halloween will always be special and I will always enjoy the holiday with a sense of child-like wonder but this year, more than ever, it hit me how I have become the grown-up handing out the candy wishing kids “happy Halloween!” And am no longer the sick-with-excitement (or sick from over-indulgence) child who says “trick or treat” 100 times in one night. Three words with a reward that seemed infinite at the small age of eight years old.  It is terrifying to think I will never be that young again and this might be the first time in my life where I have realized I am truly not getting any younger.  Aging is beautiful and I am so appreciative of the blessing it is to be alive and to grow up but it is also deeply saddening to mourn the loss of my childhood.  

I was too scared to write my first entry in front of my friends because I knew it was going to be something deep and I don’t think that’s necessary but I started typing and it brought me here. I am looking forward to sharing my internal monologue (more than I already do) over the next month.  

💋 november 1st 2023