being sad is dumb asf

The seasons changing is such a reality check. I'm like 'o shit its colorful and chilly outside' but then it makes me freak out a little bit cuz where tf did all that time go ? Maybe I'm just high but writing something down and then looking at it later, isn't it so weird that its not the time you wrote it down anymore ? once you write something down you will never be in the moment you wrote it down in ever again. does that make sense or do I need to stop abusing drugs ? 

About the seasons changing, I saw a poem that I really like. it goes something like, "nothing blooms all year, so why do you expect  yourself to?" I think it's something that'll help me this winter cuz that's for some reason the time I get hella depressed. I have this problem where I can't  take my feelings seriously around other people. Like why the fuck would I talk about wanting to be dead in a large group of people? that shits cringe asf, at least it is when I do it. Anyways byebye for now <3