i miss my brother

i miss my brother a lot. he took care of me when i was a kid and he’s like my dad, but i never really see him anymore. the last time i saw him was near my birthday a few months ago. he came and surprised me and i gave him a hug, which is a big thing for me since i don't usually touch people. i miss him and i wish i could hug him again. i could reach out and talk to him any time i wanted but i feel out of place doing that. he’s an adult with his own life, i don’t want to intrude. he gets stressed out easily and i think having to have a conversation with me would add to that and if i caused him some sort of mental anguish, i don’t think i would ever forgive myself. i could never bring myself to burden him again, i was already such a handful when i was little. i think that’s why he left. he loves me but i don’t think he loves me enough to act like my dad again.