Brain.exe

Sometimes I hate the fact that I have my imagination back

On one hand, I can enjoy books and daydream again

but on the other

I have to deal with vivid scenes of my crush and me together. 

I know some people would enjoy that, 

but I hate imagining myself in a relationship I know will never happen. 

It especially sucks when I'm talking to them and my mind wanders to one of those scenes

It kills my mood for the rest of the conversation

and the sudden mood change makes her concerned

but what am I supposed to fucking tell her?

"Oh, my bad... had to push out a thought of what it would be like to go on a date with you."

So I just lie and say it's nothing

which just makes both of us feel worse

because we both know it's a lie

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My friend (M) has had some issues lately with her crush (R)

M got rejected by R and ended up avoiding her because of the embarrassment

M and R didn't talk for a while

but this year they share a class

and M is getting panic attacks because she is dealing with all of the emotions from it

and I decided to help her not have panic attacks

and I got it to where M could talk to R

but the problem with that is M started falling back in love with R

so now she has to deal with that too

Idk how to help with that

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A friend of a friend had a breakdown at homecoming

because she was being bullied

and I wanted to comfort her

tell her I had been in a similar situation

but it was the third time I've interacted with her

and Idk how she would feel about it

so I didn't

Should I have?

Would it have helped?

Why didn't I even try?

I just stood there as my friend comforted her

Could I have helped her more than my friend?

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Just a few rants, sorry