"the way you write is the way you think"

do you believe me? can you believe me? the way that my arm makes you recoil and hurt, thats the way i feel on the inside. if you can feel that way about my arm, can you feel that way about me?

who is me. i have been struggling with identity recently. they say when someone gives you criticism, it means that they care about you, that they are putting in the effort to help you improve at something. am i allowed to blame the world? each time i do, it gets thrown back at me that im the one who should be doing the changing.

i heard the cursed phrase from my friend in school. i thought it was interesting. i didnt consider it like that before. but people think in so many different ways. if you think differently, do you become a different person? does it undo all the things you've done in the past? it has driven me mad just like it drove you mad. "if you write well, then you think well" but people change the way they think. people aren't born hating themselves. they learn shame when they know they dont deserve it, but that it happens anyway.

"People will make up who you are in their head without even talking to you and act weirded out when you actually are not like that at all." i cant control what other people think.

am i my writing? but i cant write about people who arent me. i write a lot about myself because i spend a lot of time alone and therefore i think about myself a lot. "you shouldn't pay attention to other people, focus on your own problems" blegh.

i am not a good writer. im not a bad writer. i just write. its not good. its not bad. it just is. what ever man. i cant control the way some random person will comment on it. the people above me, the people who tell me who i am, the letter that tells me how to rank myself. i break it open and all there is, is flesh and blood. they dont hold a secret. they are flesh and blood. they are no wiser than i am.

maybe its not that deep. just ask questions and move on.