near november

saturday as i write 2.15

it’s been… something. september got way worse than i would’ve imagined, but i kind of recovered from my eating disorder though i am falling onto it again because i was afraid i’d look ugly on my halloween costume (costumes? i have multiple parties to go to). and yeah.

college has been alright, stressful like always but i’ve gotten good grades on my projects and exams to no ones’ surprise. i am smart, apparently, even though i don’t feel like i do enough. my german classes though, those are my favorite part of the day: calming, interactive, they help me unwind. 

and now it’s near november and i feel like my life has been sucked out of a black hole. i’m still seeing the girl from my august blogs and she’s… something. cute and all, definitely my type, but i don’t know, i get bored quick. she’s meeting my friends today and i plan on getting utterly shit-faced, i want to be so drunk for it i won’t remember anything.

will it make me a bad person to stay constantly drunk while my “girlfriend” meets my friends in a completely unsafe environment? most definitely. do i care? oh, fuck no.