Day 12 of improving myself until I get a girlfriend

I guess this is gonna be more of a vent. Things are going to shit right now but its fine, we cap on. 

Let's start with something positive. I had art today but my sister who also had art invited me to go walking with her. She wanted to go to the mall and buy something to drink. She offered to pay but she's not the best when it comes to money handling so I paid. That's beside the point, from the art school to the mall was a long walk and then a long walk back. It was fun but I had a revelation. I don't usually exercise on art days and debate days and that made me think that I should stop altogether if I was going to be this inconsistent. Anyway, I found a new way to exercise now. Everytime I have art or debate, I'll take a walk. That was my exercise for today.

I ate really poorly today, I don't know why my appetite is bad these days. Like, I was starting to eat really well and my diet was good but recently in the past few days, it's been unraveling. I had dinner and breakfast and didn't have anything else in between. 

I read some Kafka yesterday but I didn't really read today. Like I said, bad day.

I didn't learn anything today either. I learnt at school but I'm more talking about stuff that's deeper than that. Like more philosophical thoughts and ideas yk? I didn't do any of that unfortunately. 

I didn't write either. I have a great idea for a little short story though which I think will be really good. It's gonna be something kinda kafkaesque.

I did do hygiene of course. I even washed my hair today so that's another positive thing. 

I also didn't get much studying done either.

I'm trying to think of something social that happened today. I tried to be more aware of my words. I've realized this, if you stutter a lot or you just kinda trail off in speech or maybe you stumble over your words. Just try to really think about what you're saying which sounds simple but it takes a bit of practice. I have a stutter problem and that paired with my uhhhh and ummms makes me look like a bad speaker so I tried to be aware of what I was saying and it didn't completely eradicate my stutter problem but it made me speak coherently.

Like I said, not a good day for me. However, sometimes you just need to feel this way ig. That's the way it is, we need to feel sad, we need to feel angry, we need to feel happy and we need to feel like shit sometimes, it's life. As terrible and shitty as this day was, I need to feel it sometimes and realize it's normal. I want you guys to read my messy and sad history by its light. I don't just want you guys to see my good days. I drive this point home a lot because self improvement is so toxic about forcing productivity and it can make people feel inadequate. So, I thank you for reading this. I hope you still learnt something and I hope tomorrow is a better day. Good night