Misunderstood

When I was younger I used to immediately thinks once I did something negative that people should hate me and I should suffer for it. If I was in a relationship and I did something wrong I would think they will want to leave me because I am trash. This lead to people thinking I was trying to manipulate them or get pity from them, when in reality I was being honest and I truly thought they would not want to talk to me anymore. I think I lost many people this way because they thought I was trying to control them or make them feel a certain way about me, when I was just expressing my feelings. I would also cry and not talk to anyone because all I could think was "how could people love trash like me?"