愛

Why not me?

Why does all this affect me?

Why can't anyone truly love me when it's the only thing I want?

Everything is about an imaginary beauty and not about my own tastes or interests. I feel like I give too much to people who give too little, who don't feel anything, who don't know how to communicate with me or give words of encouragement.

I'm tired of giving kisses, hugs, of only wanting skin when in reality I just want a soul to accompany me in my daily life, to not let me think about the harmful and dark aspects of my existence, I want to be loved truly and without lies, without pain, without wondering if I'm the one asking for too much or the one who doesn't fit in anywhere.

I'm tired of seeing love and not having it, not being able to have a relationship because the people I know hate any kind of affection in public or any demonstration of love, and it destroys me every day to think that maybe I'll be left alone because no one is going to be capable of truly filling me emotionally.

I hate living, I hate being here, I want to disappear forever or forget that I have feelings for people like they do, I hate being the opposite of everything, I hate feeling and I hate being me, I hate not being able to stop crying because, in the end, maybe i am not deserving of that kind of love.