waiting game 7/10/2023

life updateeee

got a week off school to work on our graduation projects n such. it was silly mans birthday on tuesday so we went to a tea house (our silly group of 3)!! our friend also got us all a shisha so that was nice:]. ive always been really against smoking buuuut yea i defo see myself with a water pipe on special occasions haha. also silly man said the way i blow the smoke out is really cool (which i did not knowingly haha). then they both got drunk in a park again aaaand idk, i suddenly got hit with big sad, but i pulled through.

we also had our first dnd sesh in like two months yesterday (had it in that same tea house,, with the same peach tea shisha haha) aaand uaaaa!!!! he kept looking at me when describing stuff!!! and even when i couldnt handle it and looked away smiling, hed do it again and again!! uaaaaa

buuut yea he hasnt said anything since that hike, its a waiting game now. but yea the uncertainty is NOT good for my mental state haha, has me spiraling in self hatred n shit every day hah. told the other friend about it and she said that yea no matter how much she loves that silly friend, she does think that its unfair that hes holding me in the dark on it. will just give him a little handwritten note as a sort of a grounding thing for myself next week