me & the great big neverending sidewalk

its weird to me that all of this still goes on. when you go somewhere, you don't just leave your feelings behind, even if you mean to. they just go with you. however, its so confusing to feel... bad when you're in a great place. everything is still so new and shiny and bright and sparkly. how can you be sad when there's an ice cream place 5 minutes from you? when you see your best friend every other day? when you have more money than you've ever had? again, it's confusing. something deep in me still twinges. and its not there most of the time. but sometimes it just feels like i can't be sad when the buildings around me are so tall and i could get anything at any time. it feels wrong. the other night i was in jersey seeing thursday for the first time. in the middle of nowhere, really. when i got there, i don't know why, but i felt this huge relief. like i could see the entire sky and i could hear my footsteps on the parking lot gravel and i could see trees in all directions, and it was quiet, really quiet. its hard because i like it here so much. but some part of me, deep deep down, wants to live in that quietness.

i think death is like walking home

on a late summer night

in a suburban neighborhood

the lights are off

everyone in your house is sleeping

and you're only a teenager

you unlock the front door and creep upstairs

seeing your shadow in the moonlight from the window

you go in your room and get in your bed

and you are so safe

and you are so warm

and it is so quiet