xalli's profile picture

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white men moshing & other thoughts

i went to a concert last night-- alice bag, the weirdos, and the avengers + allison wolfe from bratmobile as a special guest-- and it was absolutely fantastic. alice, who i went to the concert for, had so much energy and radiated this intensity, anger, and passion that blew me away. i felt so wonderfully connected to everyone there, and i also got some sick merch, too. a zine, short book of hers, cassette, and enamel pin-- the first two of which she signed for me and told me i had such a cool name as she wrote it

i met a really sweet older indigenous guy near the start of the show, too, who was ecstatic that 'youngsters' like us were keeping the scene alive, pulled me to the front so i could see during bag's set, and, according to my girlfriend, kept pointing to me from behind when she looked for someone in the crowd to point the mic toward. he made my night, to be honest

it wasn't all good, though, because of course it wasn't. my girlfriend and i joined the mosh pit during the second set (bag's set!), n it was wonderful at first-- mostly women, some gnc people, and poc. i was angry and joyful, and it felt so connecting and cathartic. but slowly, more white skater boys filled in and started being actually violent. i got a genuine punch to the stomach that didn't hurt much, but really shocked me, and suddenly i didn't feel safe or connected at all-- just a bit scared and like i might be in danger. i heard later that another girl got an even worse & more painful punch

during the last band (the headliner, who definitely shouldn't have been headliner... alice bag is cooler, sorry!), my girlfriend really wanted to go back in the pit, but she'd already gotten a little (temporarily) hurt and i had a bad feeling about it, so i asked her not to. the pit ended up being all old white men and two of them got into a full fistfight

i'm pretty glad i trusted my gut. i knew it wasn't the right crowd to mosh with anymore. it got me thinking about a lot, though. my girlfriend and i talked about how you could feel that these (clearly rich or at least pretty well-off) white guys didn't really connect with the lyrics, and just liked the angry sound and were looking for a place to acceptably be rough and violent. we could feel the drunken excitement radiating off of them as they threw themselves and others around. they aren't evil, of course, but they certainly weren't safe-feeling either. they collapsed that feeling of solidarity and connectedness, transforming the anger from collective to individual

we made light of it-- laughing about how we'll pull a riot grrrl "girls to the front" type thing and say no white guys in the pit when we start playing shows, dancing aggressively together on the sidelines, n taking breaks to get water n talk about whatever

i actually went to a concert at the same venue this wednesday-- saw the wonderful dengue fever and blew my eardrums out because i forgot earplugs. weirdly enough, i wore earplugs last night and somehow still got temporary tinnitus afterward. anyway, dengue fever was fantastic, too. visceral in a different way, i'd say, because with them, i felt more joy and playfulness

i don't usually go to shows this much, but i'm hoping i stick with it, to be honest. they're such beautiful ways to connect with music/art in general and other cool people

other than that, i've not been up to much. my life has been mainly schooling, writing, and sleeping with some occasional fun things out of the house. i'm oddly stressed at the moment, but it should die down in mid-late october as i finish a lot of work i've been doing

i am doing more cool things ! though they're still slightly stressful. i wrote a piece for an lgbt blog feature i'm a part of at a lit mag i work at, and i've begun working on a long form zine about body & identity. obviously, i've been going to concerts, too

i'm reading a few books at once right now-- mainly tell me how it ends by valeria luiselli, oreo by fran ross, pipe bomb for the soul by alice bag, and of course a disability history of the united states by kim e. nielsen for a class. i also finally put up a couple book reviews on storygraph for the books i read before these, though the reviews aren't my proudest ones

here are some links to stuff i mentioned above & other things i think are worth sharing/you might like:

i think that's all i have to say for now. i hope you've enjoyed all the things i've shared and that you're doing really well ! do feel free to share if there's anything exciting or interesting or terrible or funny going on in your life

𓅭 𓅮 𓅯

wishing you a not-so-stressful and very joyful time this october

- xalli

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paige's profile picture

oh yeah mosh pits are scary and so are hardcore shows just in general. at my first show i got crowd killed and shoved to the floor by some random guy (and i was not anywhere near the mosh pit). im glad you still had fun though and that guy at the beginning sounds awesome :)

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(btw i was completely fine when i got crowd killed this big burly guy pulled me up off the ground so i wouldn't get trampled so dw )

by paige; ; Report

omg no that’s so stressful i’m glad you were okay though and got helped out ! pushing people around not near the pit is like. not cool. the entire point of the pit is that you opt in?? but yeah, it’s so weird idk. i honestly love the concept but i feel like a pit needs to be shared with the right people, and it’s often not. the day i encounter a no white guys allowed pit is the day i feel true joy LMAOO. but anyway ! i definitely did have fun regardless and it was v worth it

by xalli; ; Report

Eve ☆彡

Eve ☆彡's profile picture

I'm glad you saw some great live shows! Live music every once in a while always keeps me sane, something different about hearing it in person that makes it feel awesome. Also just the feeling of being surrounded in people who like the same stuff!

Sorry to hear about the mosh pit. That's so frustrating, especially when there isn't really anything we can do about it without artist intervention, since I guess they're...enjoying it...? In their own way? Still. :-( My first mosh experience was pretty nice because it was a courteous one in the sense where if you fell, you were lifted and never trampled, and people held up items after the song. ^_^ It felt so cathartic, even when I realized I was a bit too short for mosh pits, lmao. My second one at a Death Rosenstock concert felt so much scarier and rougher. I guess venue size can really affect it too. U_U

Hope you see some more awesome shows in your future and hope your ears are okay LMAO!

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yess same here ! it's such a special experience to feel it live n just have that emotion n intensity from the artist. you get so much from it. i'm gonna see a really cool artist called serpentwithfeet soon, too, so i'm excited about that ! i remember when i was in middle school i went to a twenty-one pilots concert and genuinely cried because i just felt so connected to everyone there. feels silly now but i totally respect n understand all the emotions i was dealing with at the time

and yeahh, i mean honestly the mosh pit was really fun at first ! i just wish it didn't get infested with old white guys and white guy teenagers LMAO. also it was hard because as more big guys came in, more people left, so if you wanted to stay in the pit you were basically getting thrown around since there were so few people. i'm glad you've had good moshing experiences though !! i definitely think i will in the future, i just feel like i need to trust my gut with it

anyway-- i hope you see some really cool shows soon, too !!

by xalli; ; Report


june's profile picture

Any earplugs in particular you would recommend lol??

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recently i've just been buying the $1 ones they sell at the bar at pretty much every venue, but i'm planning on getting some nice ones for myself soon, so i will update you on my findings !

by xalli; ; Report


angelmilk.com's profile picture

I haven't been to many concerts, espeically ones that include moshes (since that's not rlly my typa music), HOWEVER I have been to a rlly rlly good punk rock band where everyone was bouncin all over the place, and it genuinely sucks how people can't take into consideration the people around them (esp hygiene)

I get concerts are sardine packed and people wanna get close up to the band, but oh my goood there was this one sweaty greasy middle aged man rubbing up on me who kept yelling to the band members to get their attention ... they never even looked at the guy but that didn't stop him from trying over and over while rubbing his damn sweaty armpit on my head and yeah I get concerts have a reputation for being sweaty and stinky, espeicallt w the middle aged audience, but it's insane how they don't pay attention to the people around them, quite literally pick on someone ur own size bcs people brought children w them, and I'm rather small but they didn't seem to care

I genuinely wanna understand the whole concert vibe but I can't bring myself to excuse the fact they're hitting children in the face/over their head just bcs they're in the zone, I had fun none the less but Jesus, I can't imagine how scary moshes are compared to my own experiences, heard people die and shit sometimes

Glad u and ur gf made it out safely and I hope u enjoyed the concert!

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oh that's fucking annoying yeah. the point of a mosh pit is that like. if you wanna be crazy, you go in there, but i hate when people are all over the place and inconsiderate outside of the pit. like no ! be considerate ! in the pit, i get people being kinda violent and throwing themselves over the place bc it's the point, but it's just a weird experience when it stops being our anger and our connection bc some white men just wanna be straight up violent and don't take into account how much bigger they might be and how they're pushing others out of a space that was created by and for them to feel safe & heard

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Jassu's profile picture

That event sounded pretty stressful hope everyone was safe

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it was kind of stressful for a little bit, but i think i'm generally happy abt how the show went, and i know everyone was safe ! the guy who got in a fist fight (cause the other guy was being a dick) got his shirt legit ripped off but he was doing great LMAO, just kept moshing. generally i just wish people were more thoughtful abt how they're affecting a space, and i know for a fact white men will never be allowed to mosh at any shows i play w my girlfriend LMAO

by xalli; ; Report