white men moshing & other thoughts

i went to a concert last night-- alice bag, the weirdos, and the avengers + allison wolfe from bratmobile as a special guest-- and it was absolutely fantastic. alice, who i went to the concert for, had so much energy and radiated this intensity, anger, and passion that blew me away. i felt so wonderfully connected to everyone there, and i also got some sick merch, too. a zine, short book of hers, cassette, and enamel pin-- the first two of which she signed for me and told me i had such a cool name as she wrote it

i met a really sweet older indigenous guy near the start of the show, too, who was ecstatic that 'youngsters' like us were keeping the scene alive, pulled me to the front so i could see during bag's set, and, according to my girlfriend, kept pointing to me from behind when she looked for someone in the crowd to point the mic toward. he made my night, to be honest

it wasn't all good, though, because of course it wasn't. my girlfriend and i joined the mosh pit during the second set (bag's set!), n it was wonderful at first-- mostly women, some gnc people, and poc. i was angry and joyful, and it felt so connecting and cathartic. but slowly, more white skater boys filled in and started being actually violent. i got a genuine punch to the stomach that didn't hurt much, but really shocked me, and suddenly i didn't feel safe or connected at all-- just a bit scared and like i might be in danger. i heard later that another girl got an even worse & more painful punch

during the last band (the headliner, who definitely shouldn't have been headliner... alice bag is cooler, sorry!), my girlfriend really wanted to go back in the pit, but she'd already gotten a little (temporarily) hurt and i had a bad feeling about it, so i asked her not to. the pit ended up being all old white men and two of them got into a full fistfight

i'm pretty glad i trusted my gut. i knew it wasn't the right crowd to mosh with anymore. it got me thinking about a lot, though. my girlfriend and i talked about how you could feel that these (clearly rich or at least pretty well-off) white guys didn't really connect with the lyrics, and just liked the angry sound and were looking for a place to acceptably be rough and violent. we could feel the drunken excitement radiating off of them as they threw themselves and others around. they aren't evil, of course, but they certainly weren't safe-feeling either. they collapsed that feeling of solidarity and connectedness, transforming the anger from collective to individual

we made light of it-- laughing about how we'll pull a riot grrrl "girls to the front" type thing and say no white guys in the pit when we start playing shows, dancing aggressively together on the sidelines, n taking breaks to get water n talk about whatever

i actually went to a concert at the same venue this wednesday-- saw the wonderful dengue fever and blew my eardrums out because i forgot earplugs. weirdly enough, i wore earplugs last night and somehow still got temporary tinnitus afterward. anyway, dengue fever was fantastic, too. visceral in a different way, i'd say, because with them, i felt more joy and playfulness

i don't usually go to shows this much, but i'm hoping i stick with it, to be honest. they're such beautiful ways to connect with music/art in general and other cool people

other than that, i've not been up to much. my life has been mainly schooling, writing, and sleeping with some occasional fun things out of the house. i'm oddly stressed at the moment, but it should die down in mid-late october as i finish a lot of work i've been doing

i am doing more cool things ! though they're still slightly stressful. i wrote a piece for an lgbt blog feature i'm a part of at a lit mag i work at, and i've begun working on a long form zine about body & identity. obviously, i've been going to concerts, too

i'm reading a few books at once right now-- mainly tell me how it ends by valeria luiselli, oreo by fran ross, pipe bomb for the soul by alice bag, and of course a disability history of the united states by kim e. nielsen for a class. i also finally put up a couple book reviews on storygraph for the books i read before these, though the reviews aren't my proudest ones

here are some links to stuff i mentioned above & other things i think are worth sharing/you might like:

• lgbt blog feature creative nonfiction piece-- i'll probably post it in a blog post with a lot of my writing at some point, but here's just the one for now
• black leopard, red wolf [marlon james] book review
• 100 boyfriends [brontez purnell] book review
• nevada [imogen binnie] book review
• a photo archive of my photography from the last couple years
• a beautiful article i adore that changed how i think about creativity and i've come back to recently
• a silly comic i adore that changed how i think about creativity, which i was reminded of by the article

i think that's all i have to say for now. i hope you've enjoyed all the things i've shared and that you're doing really well ! do feel free to share if there's anything exciting or interesting or terrible or funny going on in your life

𓅭 𓅮 𓅯

wishing you a not-so-stressful and very joyful time this october

- xalli