re: firsts and falling into something that isnt really love

climbing over chainlink fences. hands unsteady the whole way up. scraped heels of hands covered in mud after hitting the ground. damp jeans and grass stains. rusted park playground sets. moonlight. flat soda. thrumming eardrums, throbbing headache. kiss you with my fist before crashing lips. open mouthed kisses, open minded rambles. desperation. muses. time slowed. always 11:11.

i felt different back then, like i/we had something. something awful, something better. i miss you. we’ll live forever in our initials imbedded on the seat of that swing. xo.