cross my heart and hope to die (put me in purgatory)

wishes keep me faithless, the semisweet kiss of misery keeps me holding on. im not sure what keeps me up, staring at the ceiling and tracing patterns in the paint with my eyes, but it feels like ive been stuck in a labyrinth of late nights and smudged ink. its the polaroid remnants of you, i think, letters written in eyeliner and sealed with a press of your lips to the envelope with a heart sticker on top. the once overplayed records collecting dust at the bottom of the stack. its not that theres a void left by your absence. in my chest where you used to be, theres this funny feeling, something between hope and nostalgia and bitterness and complete fucking doom. it beats against my ribcage, growing, eating up my insides, begging for an out. the only thing i can do is put another cd on and turn up the volume until i cant hear it anymore. i never fell in love, and i didnt float either. it was closer to a ball, chain, and blindfold.