is even typing this speaking it into existence

i keep having that overwhelming feeling that someone i love will die soon and i'm so scared 

i think about my yaiyai in times like this

she's the last one standing in her family

she's created generations but nothing exists behind her anymore

she's alone 

i don't ever wanna be alone like that

i don't think i could take it 

she tells me her fears of dying and i can say nothing but how i love her and that i'm sorry for her sadness 

i cant stop it 

she cant stop it

ive feared death before i even knew comfort 

but not my death

everyone else's scares me 

i just wish i knew how long i had with everyone 

so i can organize my time accordingly 

i get nothing done when other are around

but then i get nothing done alone

i feel like when i'm around others i can temporarily live in their brains

and even though i'll never really know it feels more comfortable than my own 

but when they leave i'm back in those walls that held me 

and only echoed my own thoughts 

toodles4now