5 am craziness

its 5 am and i'm too tired to get up and make food but also too hungry to sleep, so here's what's happened over the last few hours..

texted to him again, basically begged him in a respectful wayu to tell me wtf was goin on and if he wanted to work this out or not. he said....


no.

he's just not ready 4 a relationship rn.


so all these months of him telling me he's in love with me, planning our future together, him healing my trauma and promisin to protect me.. all for nothing, and the last few weeks of it were lies because he'd been thinkin about leaving me for weeks before this.

i lost it. i did something bad to myself and had a panic attack, there was blood everyhwhere n it rly wasnt fun. 

this time he wasn't there to help me clean up. there was no sweet loving boy to kiss my arms and bandage me up and tell me he loves me and that it isn't my fault and that he'd always be here for me, but there was my adoptive mom. she drove me to get gauze and wasn't upset i woke her up. i wouldn't stop apologizing and she told me it's okay. i'm so grateful for her. u have no idea.

anyway i'll be ok. things are bad rn but at least i have some kinda closure yk? everyone is so genuine here and i know i've only been using this site for a short time, but it seems like one of thje only good social medias left out there. ily all <3


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