another one for the evil goons

Tried catching a bus this morning, Arrived early to the time it said it would be leaving. Even thought this was the new delayed timing of 7:35 (originally 6:20) Waiting awhile confused because the app said the bus would already be here, but unsurprisingly it had left 30 minutes earlier, without saying anything and being way early on its schedule, naturally I wasn't very happy, let out a pained scream of anger because once again for the 4th time at seemingly no fault of my own I was screwed by the world itself and this shitty bus company that is somehow funded by the US government (not surprising I guess if its fully or partially owned by the US there's a 99% chance it would be completely useless and dysfunctional). 

I frantically looked everywhere on the website looking for the refund option before they could say it was too late and it was my own fault, which I'm sure they will do anyway no matter how early i put the refund ticket in. So its a nice way to start of an early September morning by losing sixty nine dollars and nineteen cents. I angerly hopped out of my car and bashed the front left blinker light because it was beeping at me because it went out earlier in the morning, with hesitation is turned back on and the beeping went away (for some reason 2002 jeeps with ring an alarm like a battleship under firing orders when a blinker goes out) jumped back in and turned it on after three key tries, and got back on the road home while swearing and cursing at any gods or entities that might be within earshot of earth itself. I have never cried before this but it was just different that morning, Renouncing my religion while having my first ever meltdown. All I wanted to do was just get on a gross bus and get to Texas in a timely manner. But like many things in my life its swiftly prevented and added as yet another inconvenience to my life. The fourth time taking a bus from this company and it of course just doesn't work out again, in my adult rage fest of crying like a little baby it made me really think about it all. Life takes my best friend away, takes my grandmother away and it started going after my father with stage 3 cancer. And of course I cant just get on a bus ever. It seemingly always has to go wrong for me, with anger like that its hard not to question why it even all matters at all. What god would allow this? I obviously don't have it as bad as others. But jeez big G? all you seemingly do is punish and ignore. Why believe at all? Its hell on earth everyday, what would change if I died now and it turns out I was wrong about not believing after all I've been through? giving up one suffering fest for another wont even matter to me. I'll never stop helping others, I am very aware they will only hurt me back but it cant get any worse, I lose everyone I love eventually. Its the only way it could ever end. But ill never stop trying to make the world we all need, Even if there's no god to show us love and compassion I'll at least try harder then god ever did.