city girls down tremendous

living and studying in  the city now and its so so so lonely TT 

it's hot as balls and walking around everywhere is miserable and the subway is almost three dollars now and i'm too scared to even duck the turnstyles anymore because of the facial recognition stuff they're trying to implement

i started classes yesterday but i haven't made any friends or anything from it

i haven't made any friends at all since coming here 

i started talking to some girls from back home a bit more often. i don't know why we weren't closer before (/lie, i know it's because i'm an insociable piece of shit)

it's almost enough to make me regret coming here. i miss the few friends i had before

but i would still never want to go back home

this city is cramped and lonely

every day i step outside prepared to be mugged or raped or kidnapped and every night i believe that there are bombs in the hotel across the window or snipers on the roof or someone watching and waiting for me to leave in the morning so i can repeat it all over again

but i'm still less anxious than i was at home, i think

i like the bookstores and libraries here

i like the little parks and public spaces and funky colored pigeons

although it scares me sometimes, i like feeling that there are dozens of people around me constantly subconsciously acknowledging that i exist

so maybe its not that bad