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i miss hannah. i miss my mom. i miss myself. im so pathetic im looking for human connection in crumbs. as if i dont want to bother anyone but i need to know if im real.
how many times have i put a video on the background so i could sleep to the sound of someone's voice?
i feel like i never grew up. still the same kid lurking in random chatrooms online. just watching the messages go by, because theyre signs of life. i didnt know the name of the feeling back then, but that hasnt helped me at all, i feel. now loneliness has just become my best friend. now it has a name.
i managed not to hurt myself today but it doesnt feel like an acomplishment.
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Mig and Szwarty
You should be glad that you're not hurting yourself anymore. One pain does not substitue your other pains. The only way to get rid of the pain and loneliness you feel is to replace it with good habits and good thoughts. The best way to promote the growth of good thoughts and habits is by initiat8ve and faith in yourself and your actions and to know that you deserve to be hapoy and you are a source of happiness to others.
This requires that you break out of your shell though, be that your room or your unwillingness to engage with others. They might leave us once more tearing out the roots of love and faith we had for their presence but to have people who you live platonically and romantically requires trust that they will not hurt you and an understanding that nothing is forever, which makes it worthwhile to cherish such things while they are and while they are still good. Not just anyone of course, be wise who you open yourself up to.
So stop hurting yourself, save the pain for the march forward, for it will be like walking barefoot and will be a long while before this dank memory becomes a distant hazy memory of your past.
in the end, only you can save yourself. If not for yourself but for someone who you wouod always do your best for.