being alive is dope!

ohhhhhhhh... you have to put in lots of work to reap any sort of reward.

so, if you read my bulletin, you saw that i finally got my license! yes i am 24. but y'know, it's better late than never, i would rather have gotten it now than waiting and waiting out of fear of failure or injury. and this feeling's got me really thoughtful ever since.

i've had it drilled into my psyche that everyone in the world is a threat and every negative outcome should be expected. not my fault, this is how my mom thinks and how she raised me, Her Darlingest and Most Weak "Daughter". but today as i ventured out into the world alone literally for the first time i realized something about being alive, that it's great, and that i'm a human and so is everyone else. the concept of Danger and Threat is ubiquitous. sure, it's out there, but does it seek me at every turn? no, i don't think so.

i've been license-less, homeschooled, and kept at home by a hermit. my world has been so small and i've lost a lot of my youth to this. but now i feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. colors are brighter, the sky is bluer. i'm free! side note...it's pretty terrible if having a drivers license and access to a car is the only way to experience the world in america. i can't just walk to the store i have to get in a massive death machine that sucks up Pollution Juice. Hmmmm... Seems Fucked.

i'm going to begin to truly treat myself right. not in just a surface-level way, but i will nourish my soul. I know that sounds corny but i mean it... i'll do things that give me long-term satisfaction, to make the tomorrow me happy. even if it's hard. i will Cast Off the veil over my eyes that makes the world seem far more dangerous than it is. i'll live my life courageously, unafraid. there's no way to see the fruits of humanity if i'm afraid of it.

i just ask myself Please to keep this energy for a good long while. i know that when i feel this good i will come crashing down any moment... Pls don't let that happen to me brain. Got damn

anyway, hope everyone's saturday was gorgeous! i went hiking alone and meditated on a big boulder. it was wonderful. Freedommmm