Starting Out

This year I started my freshman year at university. I'm 23 years old, and the college I'm attending is a private one. I'm sure you can imagine the tuition is pretty steep compared to other universities in my area. I could be overgeneralizing, but I get this feeling that everyone around me is younger and came from a wealthier family than me.

I guess that's always been the case because I went to a school that neighbored the wealthiest neighborhood in town. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed both my high school and the students I went with, and I love this university. But I can never escape the feeling that I don't belong.

I'm autistic, I'm a second generation "immigrant", and I'm queer. I'm not really sure how much more of an outsider I could be. All that to say, I know I'm not the only person feeling left out here. I know that none of my thoughts and feelings are original.

I don't know, I guess I just wanted to throw this out for anyone to read. I'm just feeling a little lonely and lost. No one in my immediate family went to college, so I feel I can't turn to them for help. Even my friends and coworkers who did attended are of no real help to me.

Well, anyway, I'm taking 13 credits this semester. I was originally taking 15 but dropped my Spanish class. My professor told me I was too advanced for the intermediate class and needed to test out of it. But of course, the test is only offered when I'm working, and they don't tell me about it until the night before. So, I just dropped it and said I'd test in October, even though I already took a placement test in July that told me I should be in intermediate Spanish.

I also started an on campus job to help pay for my tuition. It's cool, and doesn't require a lot of work, but most of my "shifts" are at least an hour after my last class, and I live too far to justify going back and forth. So, I end up in a sort of limbo, wandering around from the café to the library. And you know, the pay isn't that great either. The only benefit is I am essentially being paid to do my homework, and once I'm home, I don't have to worry about it.