hung out with the silly dude again

bwaaaaa okay okay so yeaaaa ive been hanging out with this dude (lets call him G) a LOT this summer break. its pretty much my first summer that im experiencing the typical teen stuff, hanging out, witnessing my friends getting drunk af, talking until like 3am about life n stuff, probably having a crush on my best friend G... that kinda stuff

soooo like yea we hung out on thursday, went to the pride village thingy which was a part of the pride festival over here aaand we went to exhibitions n such and it was really nice:] theeen we met up again on friday and i watched the fellowship of the ring with him (i am really not a movies kinda person and was never really interested in lotr but this guy got me HOOKED) and yeaaaa we watched it and then we like talked from like fuckin 10pm to 3am and just,,,, aaaaaa oh my godddd fuckin, im either indulging in my delulu all jolly n shit or im crumbling and hating myself for liking him n just its such a mixed bag ughhhhh

and uhhh yea hes also our dm and we had another sesh yesterday and i play the bard n stuff and he had this romancable character he made for a different player but used her on my silly bard??? and like,, oh my god his eyes looked similar to how they look when hes drunk and ughhhhh god i am real bad at like,, separating shit so i was there flustered as fuck cause his characters were never the ones to initiate but this lady was like,,, really tryin to rizz my guy up and uhhh yea didnt go through with it because my character had other plans but stillllll aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i am,, i dont know what to say or write or think anymore

there are times when im like convinced that my chances are like neutral to positive but then there are times when i feel like the meter is like 10ft underground and im just fucking everything up. we did have a convo about how we like hanging out together n how we appreciate eachother and that hed tell me if something was up, but i just... i feel so fuckin guilty about it all. ughhhhhhhhhh