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i'm tired of being gaslighted by everyone.
truly, i never even knew gaslighting was a thing until i heard it one day in the past recent years.
even when i heard it for the first time, i wasn't sure what it was. then i looked it up.
"a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator is trying to get someone else
(or a group) to question their own reality, memory or perceptions"
the more i thought about it, the more i realized how gaslighted i was throughout my entire life.
family, friends, lovers...
people i trusted so whole heartedly...
people who broke my trust before i even knew what trust was....
altering my perception of reality...
making me seem "unnormal" to the rest of society...
and now even gaslighting my own reality too...
i'm spiraling because of being gaslighted my entire life.
can any of you imagine how that feels???
i know some of you can..
but what about the rest?
the ones who think i'm dressing the way i want for attention when in reality i wish i was invisible.
the ones who think i'm being too emotional for the situation when i can't even control them. BPD.
or what about the ones who think i'm using them when i thought "family" meant you were always welcome.
i'm tired of feeling like no matter how much i try to validate myself for my actions, i'll never truly believe in the validation.
i'm tired of feeling like i'll never be wanted because i'm too much.
i'm tired of the feeling that no one can truly love me for who i truly am...
i'm mentally exhausted and it's because i can't stop gaslighting myself.
please understand that we might be similar but we are not the same if you can't give what's challenging a chance.
i face being judged every day whether people truly are or not...
that's a challenge for me but probably not for some.
i can understand that...so now it's your turn.
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