8.9.23

I'm a bit disappointed people aren't seeing my profile, but that's okay. Its not like i really want someone to come view my private diary, but i mean i did put it online for a reason. I think it'd be cute for someone to come alongside it sometime. To leave a kudos to let me know they were here. Don't know how i feel about someone commenting though. I might turn off all comments just incase from now on to avoid that. Didnt really do anything today. Felt a bit frustrated. Friday ill be going shopping with A to target. Maybe well go thrifting instead? Its cheaper there, and im scared of running out of money, or going to the store and only being able to come back with two or so items. I hate shopping, so coming back with only one or two things feels like a waste. I hate going in public, i feel like every car has their eyes on me behind that tinted glass. I always end up making eye contact with people and curse myself afterwards. Saw K's dad at a store today. I cursed myself because i made it awkward at the end. I wanted to say something else but didn't know how to say it or how to end the encounter. I don't think he minded though. He's a bit of an intimidating man, tall and bald. He wore all black that day, black backpack. On the back of his shirt was a grey and black American flag with a yellow strip. I know blue is for police force, and red is for firefighters. So what's yellow for? Looked it up just now, apparently it just means everyone whos worked in public safety or first responders. (police, firefighters, ambulance dispatchers)

I drew something today, and was happy with the anatomy halfway through, but now I'm a little dissatisfied with the end result once i finished. I want to keep drawing Abby from tlou2, but she's pretty difficult to draw. Sometimes i look in the mirror and feel i kind of look like her when i scowl. But that could just be because we have the same hair color and are both pale girls. Makes it a bit weird though, considering I'm completely head over heels in love with her. I know she's fictional, but at least I'm not one of those mfs who thirst over miguel O'hara day and night. So like let me have this lol.

There's just something about her voice, its so perfect. I hate hearing whispers and voices up close to me, it pisses me off and sounds super gross. It just triggers me honestly and i get super angry when my mom does it. Asmr gets me super fucking pissed too, i think its a sensory thing for me. But with her voice its okay. Its soft and i drink up every second of it. I think im going to end this now. I feel like a creep for going on & on about how I'm into a fictional character. just gay things ig.